In & Out Teetus Deletus Operation Completus

 Friends, Frenemies & Indolent Bystanders,

This is supposed to be the final installment of my Update-on-all-things-transgender Series, but I doubt it will be. When I first started delving into all this, I was a little embarrassed by how unaware I was of … many things. Now that I have a better grasp on what is going down in my own demographic, I don’t want to miss a moment of the drama. This is no trivial trans-housewives drama either — the dynamic discussion between Trans Rights Activists and Gender Critical folks is shaping the nuances of perceived reality for those of us in the middle of it.

Of course I lean heavily toward the side of the TRAs, but I don’t discount the feelings/opinions of the opposition. I can definitely understand how the LGBs feel crowded out of the big rainbow umbrella right now. I can understand why TERFs are concerned about puberty blockers. I am skeptical of the medical industrial complex’s commandeering of gender identity. I don’t believe that everyone who medically transitions is really transgender. I do believe that a lot of what is happening is a trend that will peak soon. And hopefully as the dust settles we will have a better intuitive grasp on what happened.

Vin as a young boy skating on an iceberg (you can't see the cute little penguin)

That is not to say I think gender identity will go back to being binary, heteronormative or otherwise compartmentalized. It will just find a normalized zone and even the casualties like the detransitioners will heal and find vindication in their body odysseys however they can. I can remember when I first became a blogger on MySpace, I always wrote about how I couldn’t wait until androgyny took over the world. And while we don’t call it “androgyny” so much anymore, I feel like this is what I meant. A true reckoning with gender roles, rules, stereotypes, expectations and a purge of what is no longer necessary. I had no idea it would be so loud & messy though… or that I would be participating in the flesh (not just as a writer).

Anyway, I have some conspiracy theories to go over with you, some thoughts on transgender athletes (I am watching the winter olympics & have seen 0 trans athletes taking over the whole world of sports…), some further thoughts on everything else we’ve talked about, and an update on the TERFs I profiled in Part 3 of this series (Tervish Whirling). 

I also have some new-ish art for you. I’ve been inspired by the Olympics, and by living in a place where it snows, so I’ve been drawing a lot of water in its frozen state. Today’s sketches were done in the early days of 2021 when i wasn’t feeling very well at all, and I filled them in with dots this month, whilst feeling quite splendid.

Tarot sketch (Banksy Tarot)

TRANS CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Trans conspiracy theories are mainly promoted by TERFs.

The biggest theory out there right now is the one regarding EVIL philanthropist billionaire Jon Stryker and his Arcus Foundation. Stryker is a gay man, and an heir to a substantial fortune. He created the non-profit Arcus Foundation to help with the rescue & conservation of great apes, and also to promote & advance awareness of LGBT issues. This foundation has created scholarships and funded all sorts of educational materials, books and programs that seek to bolster the prospects of LGBT students, artists, and business owners.

The Arcus Foundation is the main contributor to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) which has been the leader in spreading awareness of LGB human rights all around the world, and more recently spreading the word about everything Transgender. 

The HRC is the force behind the movement to bring transgender awareness to education facilities, employment facilities, and religious facilities. It is responsible for things like “What are your pronouns?”in the office and the classroom. It is also responsible for the affirmative care model used by therapists, endocrinologists and surgeons dealing with trans patients. It literally extends its tentacles all across the globe in the name of human rights for transgender folks.

When I think of all the billionaires out there who are doing jack shit, or worse (harm) with their wealth, I’m pretty pleased that the LGBT movement has Stryker on its side.

Tarot sketch (Tattoo Tarot)

But, as the TERFs are quick to point out, there is a lot of money to be made from the lifelong medicalization of transgender folks. Starting with puberty blockers, onto a life of hormones that are injected with needles, then surgeries that are performed with scalpels and sutures and countless other medical devices. And this is relevant to the conspiracy because Jon Stryker’s  inherited fortune comes from his grandfather’s surgical supply company, The Stryker Corporation.

When I first heard talk of Jon Stryker & the Stryker Corporation it sounded like something from the Batman franchise. Fictional, villainous, comical. But I looked into it and it’s all factual. In fact, when I took Tony to his colonoscopy the other day, I noticed that the table he was wheeled away on was emblazoned with the name Stryker.

Anyway, the TERFs would have us believe that Stryker is an evil billionaire with his tap dancing fingers templed as he reviews his spreadsheets with their ever increasing wealth from innocent children who were unduly influenced into gender transition by some book authored by the HRC that made its way into their classrooms. 

And even if this is true, I say…”So what?” Like I said before, I would rather have billionaires who are willing to support the education, rights, and enterprises of LGBT folks than billionaires who would quash those efforts. So what if he gets richer from my use of hormones & needles? 

The downside is — if there is a push to influence young children into transitioning early, there will be more detransitioners. There will be the use of puberty blockers by younger patients. Is this ethical? I don’t know. I’m an adult who is happy to contribute to the Stryker Corporation with my purchases of medical supplies. But to exercise undue influence on the innocent, so that they may become your most loyal customers?

I share with the TERFs a concern for those too young to make such decisions. I know what being transgender is, and it does not need to be suggested as a way of life for anyone. Either you are, or you aren’t, and those who know, know.

Tarot sketch (Wildwood Tarot)

But that’s not where this conspiracy theory ends. It has become more widely postulated that transgenderism is just the gateway to transhumanism.  “Transhumanism” is a term coined by one Martine Rothblatt, a billionaire scientist who is a trans woman, who as Martin Rothblatt founded Sirius XM satellite radio. After transitioning she turned her attentions to the biotech field. Her entrepreneurial interests verge on sci fi fantasy — which isn’t to say they won’t become reality in the near future. Embedded microchips, 3-D printed body parts, life-like sex robots, skin screens, downloadable consciousness, all these things we’ve seen in the movies are on their way to the mainstream marketplace. All thanks to Rothblatt and her money and her executive innovators (possibly from the Stryker Corporation?) 

Rothblatt is a notably eccentric character & of course the TERFs have branded her an autogynephile because she transitioned mid-life and is interested in recreating body parts (namely women’s body parts. They don’t care about the recreation of male body parts, since that won’t erase human men? I guess?) Anyway, transhumanism stands to make our lives an ongoing game of The Sims. This is a business model that will never lack for profit. 3-D printed uterus, anyone? Tiny child robot with huge breasts, anyone? Download your wife’s consciousness so you can really KNOW what it’s like to be a woman? Anyone?

If transgenderism is truly the gateway to transhumanism, then I think it’s too late to close it now. These technologies have been in the hearts & minds of scientists for decades. They’ve been a dominant part of our pop culture in the form of movies & video games since Y2K. If “playing with our gender” is a step toward getting used to having biomechanical body parts, we’ve already taken those steps. And this doesn’t thrill me, for some of the same reasons it doesn’t thrill TERFs, but also just because — I’m getting older & I just got used to being a human. I think humans could benefit from some upgrades, especially in the reproductive department, but can’t we wait until I’m dead? I really don’t want to be around for life-like kiddie porn robots. And I don’t know about anyone being able to download my consciousness — it’s the only private property I really own.

TRANS ATHLETES

Another thing I often hear from the TERFs is how transgender people are taking over sports. Namely that trans women are competing in women’s categories and absolutely DESTROYING the cis women. And then getting naked in the locker rooms just to scare & shock the cis women into submission. And then stealing all the scholarships.

Bullshit. There still aren’t enough trans people in the world for that to be a true threat. There was an incident where swimmer Lia Thomas, a trans woman at UPenn, did beat the other women by a long shot. But she doesn’t beat them by a long shot every time she swims. In fact, her swimming times have slowed considerably since she went on estrogen 2 years ago. I think the TERFs are upset because Thomas hasn’t had bottom surgery yet & still wears a ladies swimsuit.

Sketch: 2020  Dots: 2022

It has been noted that there were 180 LGBTQ athletes who participated in the summer Olympics in Tokyo, and there are 35 LGBTQ athletes at the current winter games in Beijing. But from what I’ve read, a big percentage of these athletes are LGB not T. There is one figure skater who identifies as non-binary on the U.S. team. And I never would’ve known this if I hadn’t read about them, because nothing about them says non-binary to me. They go by a male name, they have a beard and just look like your average gay figure skater. I don’t know if they’ve chosen to present more masculine for the sake of the Olympics (iChina is a very anti gay republic), or if non binary now means whatever the fuck anyone wants it to mean.

I would ask this person their pronouns but I wouldn't fear them raping me in the bathroom

(editor’s note: I do notice that this look is very IN right now. An otherwise all feminine guy — clothes, hair, make-up, nails, jewelry — and then, a beard. As an ancient Gen X binary trans man, this does not make much sense to me. Unless it is just the fashion statement of the day, something to piss off parents and professors. It certainly is androgynous.)

Anyway, I don’t foresee trans women making a mockery of women’s sports any time soon. As a former competitive swimmer, I would’ve loved to compete against someone like Lia Thomas. I think I would’ve brought it to another level trying to beat her. I just don’t see women as SUCH sissies & weaklings. Is that how TERFs see themselves? 

TERVISH UPDATE

I sure do give the TERFs a hard time, don’t I? They are irksome, but I try to listen to their points objectively & admit when they are right. I can sympathize with trauma and feeling victimized. I’ve been there. But I didn’t want to go through life perceiving myself as “oppressed”, either as a woman or a trans man. I took great effort to confront my traumas and work through them, so that I wouldn’t go through life feeling like a victim. It was too hard.

So I do get irked when I see women who are obviously well-educated, with good jobs, and happy home lives trying to win the oppression Olympics* because trans women exist. It just doesn’t ring true to me, and it makes me worry about the day when all the heat is on trans men. When cis men are looking at me going “Get out of my restroom, you pervy autoandrophile!” “How dare you think you get to use my important pronouns!” “Show me your dick!”

*ah, the oppression Olympics. Or as it is also called The Hierarchy of Oppression. This is another trend that I think will peak soon, and leave us with a clearer grasp on who really is oppressed & needs the most protective attentions. I used to think this all began in the university systems, but it actually became a part of our mainstream culture in the Occupy Wall St camps. The 98% is not a monolith, it turns out, even though we are all victims of the 1%.

Sketch: 2021  Dots: 2022 (sometimes the sparkly ink doesn't photograph so well)

OK…here’s your update on the 3 TERFs from episode 3: 

Hosey Harker is still going strong on YouTube, though he remains banned from Twitter. He is getting quite cuddly with the folks over at Fox News, because they’re the only ones who take him seriously. He proudly pushes their anti trans agenda.

Karen Davis got himself banned from Twitter for trolling all the trans women and accusing them all of being autogynephiles. He is still making YouTube vids & seems to be the instigator of all the bullying he claims is being leveled at the “terves.”

And our beloved Mr Sexual Antics, whom I first thought was the smartest and most sympathetic of the TERFs really went off the deep end. He became needlessly hateful and his targeting of Jazz Jenning’s family got so ugly & personal I couldn’t handle it anymore. He ended up pissing off the wrong group of people & they drew some unflattering comics about him & he retaliated with more super-personal hate mongering, and he is now banned from YouTube as well as Twitter.

It would be easier to take to heart some of the concerns these trolls have if they weren’t so demonstrably prejudiced. Mr Sexual Antics claimed to have the children’s interests in mind when he started his channel, but he doesn’t care about Jazz, or any other trans kid. He just wants to make them look stoopid.

I don’t even believe these women are in any state of post trauma regarding sexual assault. Harker has reported being sexually assaulted in college but he is married with several children and made a successful life for himself as a nurse before going on this anti trans media blitz. Trauma expresses itself in many ways, but it usually doesn’t look so rosy & perky. The other two haven’t made any claims about being assaulted, but they do seem to have this underlying resentment of men. They both want to be the smartest person in the room, and if a man comes along with his louder voice and mansplainy ways, their smartitude might be overlooked.

Again, I have to wonder what this would look like if the tables were turned. If it were cis men complaining about trans men in their midst. Why do I have to pretend this “woman” is equal to me? What if my son catches sight of a vagina in the boys’ locker room? What if a trans man is smarter and more capable than me, or beats me at tennis or gets that promotion at work? We can see the misogyny in these scenarios very clearly. I feel like the TERFs are a bit misandro-ist. It just seems more like hatred than fear to me.

Always remember the girls from Monkeypus

And to those women who really are dealing with post traumatic stress due to violence at the hands of a male, I extend sympathy. The inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces is likely to be an extra hurdle in the healing process. I have not found any one source that details the number of assaults by “men in dresses” in women’s spaces. There was the one assault in the British prison system, and there have been public outcries about pre-op trans women “exposing” their penises in women’s locker rooms. But statistics show it is trans people who are most likely to be assaulted, humiliated and driven out of gendered spaces. 

The chance that the trans woman in the stall next to you is Buffalo Bill is about 7 million to one. This is the narrative we should be promoting — not the fear tactics employed by the TERFs. If you are in constant fear of being raped, fear parking lots. Fear cars. Fear fraternity houses. And get some counseling.

****************

All Right, Folks. That concludes my series on all things transgender…for now. I know there’ll be more to the discussion. But I am tired. I will be back sometime in March with some icy art for you!

The AUTOGYNEPHILES

 Hello Friends & Frenemies & Allies,

I’m here to talk about The Autogynephiles today. In case you missed the first part of this series, The Autogynephiles are heterosexual men who get sexually turned on by the notion of themselves as women. So much so, that they adopt the habit of dressing like women (ie, sexily) wearing make up, growing their hair if they can, getting on estrogen if they can, sometimes getting breast implants, but rarely inverting their penises into va-jayjays.

If you listen to too much TERF rhetoric, as I have over the past few weeks, you could really start to fear these horrible perverts, who are obviously out to invade women’s spaces, who are definitely trying to make women uncomfortable, who are most certainly rapists, and who are succeeding at rapidly erasing women and girls from the political gender spectrum. EGADS!!

Are you terrified yet?

Well, I’m not.

Jesus, the OG AGP

 

I have no doubt The Autogynephiles exist. But I don’t think they exist in the myriad numbers the TERFs would have us believe. And I do NOT think the term “autogynephile” is synonymous with “trans woman.” 

I want to say that I have nothing against anyone who is autogynephilic. Whatever sexual paraphilia is your jam, I respect that. Especially if you’re not directly involving me (or children) in said paraphilia. I also dislike calling autogynephilia a perversion or paraphilia, because I feel like it is probably a coping mechanism developed out of an abusive childhood, or early exposure to porn, or any form of intimacy issue with desired partners.

What I’ve gleaned from the TERFs is that there are only a few examples of autogynephiles who are among the criminal element. There was the case of Karen White, an autogynephile with a lengthy criminal history, who raped female inmates in the prison she was sent to. There was a case at an LA spa where a pre op trans woman got undressed in the women’s locker room, exposing her penis. (Yes I said HER penis). What a tizzy that caused!!

And then there was the story of Ute Hagen*, a well known academic, whose husband came out as an autogynephile and tried to pressure her into his kink. She gave into it for awhile but then decided it wasn’t for her. They went through a messy divorce. Their children were negatively affected by their father’s transformation. She calls herself a “trans widow” now. (This is sad, but it is not criminal).

There are a couple of strange autogynephilic Youtube personalities.  Jessica Yaniv comes to mind. She does things like booking an appointment at a ladies’ spa for a Brazilian wax, showing up with dick & balls intact, and saying “Wax me, or you’re a transphobe.”  Or trying to get lesbians to date her and calling them transphobes if they won’t. It all seems very youtube-y. Like not a fair representation of how an actual trans woman behaves in society. Yaniv has also called paramedics to help her out of the bathtub naked; she also claims that the estrogen she’s taking has caused her to start menstruating (through her penis, I guess?) I have heard many trans women lament that they don’t menstruate and can’t bear children, but never heard them claim their estrogen has magically caused this to happen.

So… while each of these stories carries an “Ewww” factor, I don’t see any evidence that they are characteristic of average trans women, even those with autogynephilia. For every autogynephile who is brash enough to undress at the women’s gym or bully lesbians, there are probably dozens who are quietly going about their days with their private lives private.

And I have to wonder what these TERFs are so damn afraid of? Would I feel threatened as a female if a pre op trans woman was changing next to me at the gym? No. I’m not a huge fan of the human meatsack in general — I’m equally affected by male and female nudity. Would I feel in danger of being raped? Not in a public locker room where other women were changing too. Rape happens in many places, but usually not in well lit, well populated locker rooms.

Would I have a problem if my partner of many years decided to transition? No. If they decided to transition and wanted me to do disagreeable things in the bedroom? That may be a deal breaker. But I was “a female” for many years, and that was pretty disagreeable in itself. I dated plenty of men (& women) who wanted me to do stuff I wasn’t overly comfortable with. But I was always willing to try stuff before I decided it was not on my erogenous radar. It would all depend on the level of respect my transitioned partner & I had for each other. If they suddenly showed disrespect for my already established boundaries that would be pretty disturbing.

As a feminist and former riot grrl, would I feel erased if more and more trans women were identifying as feminists and showing up at women’s rights rallies & such? I can’t imagine that I would feel erased. TERFs like to claim that trans women (autogynephiles, all of them) are trying to wrest feminism right out of women’s hands. I think because they request that cis women use the term cis**, or uterus haver, or some other neologism to differentiate themselves from trans women. Again, I see this as a matter of mutual respect —would I respect a mouthy, demanding trans diva who wants to come in and seize power over the room? Probably not! But I wouldn’t respect a mouthy, demanding cis diva who wanted to define everything for everyone either. It’s been a long time since I participated in any form of activism, but I imagine there are disrespectful trans divas out there as well as ones who understand their part in the feminist movement. I absolutely believe that trans women deserve to be included in feminist politics, even though they were born male. Shit, I believe trans men should be included in feminism. Cis men too! There can’t be too many feminists in my opinion. WTF, TERFs?

When I think of the average trans woman, it is not a monolithic image that comes to mind. I of course think of Jazz, and other super girly-girls like Samantha Lux and Kat Blaque and Maya Henry. But I also think of Jazz’s good friend, Noelle, who did not have the benefit of hormone blockers and is a soft-spoken jeans & T-shirts kind of girl. I think of Jennifer Finney Boylan who transitioned way before all the hype and is a professor somewhere. I think of current Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider. I think of high profile celebrities like Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner, and lesser known celebs like MJ Rodriguez and Indya Moore.  I think of former Navy SEAL Kristin Beck.  I’ll even give a shout out to the Wachowski sisters, though they are perhaps more on the eccentric side.

One thing you might wonder as you read this — where is all the controversy surrounding trans MEN?? So far there is very little controversy. Because trans men are absolutely no threat to cis men. It is assumed that a cis man will win over a trans man any day of the week — in sports, in business, in dating. When the day comes where trans men are seen as equal competitors in those areas, then there will be controversy. And it won’t be the cis men who get erased, it will be the trans men who get swept so far under the rug they may as well not exist.

Trans men are like “model minorities.” We know our place. I know I am not a cis man, who benefited from boyhood socialization and a male puberty. I am someone who watched from the sidelines and garnered as much second hand knowledge as possible, while reluctantly allowing girlhood socialization and female puberty to happen. Even under the influence of T, I am a softie, a sissy, an art fag. A threat to no one.

Is there a trans masculine equivalent of autogynephilia? No official psychological template has been created for such, as far as I know. But I imagine this phenomenon exists in some trans men — the idea of themselves as men is a real turn on. Certainly conceiving of myself as male is much more of a turn on than being female was. But is it the prime factor in my transition? No.

I’ve heard the term “autohomophilia” bandied about casually. This is described as a female-born person who prefers the company of gay men and may feel safer having sexual desires toward their gay friends than toward heterosexual men. We used to call them “fag hags” and I never would’ve conflated them with trans men. But what do I know?

There is one trans man who has been rocking the boat for many years and continues to do so — most recently pissing off the TERFs for advertising his pornographic toy business on the same Twitter account where he shares photos of his children. Yes, I’m talking about Tranpa himself, Buck Angel. Angel is controversial for many reasons, even within the trans community — he is a porn star; he goes back & forth on his stance about trans medicalism; he flip flops on a lot of things, but is always outspoken no matter what position he is taking in the moment. He kind of sees himself as the spokesperson for all trans masculine folks. He is a bit of a narcissist. But…he is still no threat to cis men.

I mentioned at the very start of this series that there was a rift in the LGB  TQ community, and it is happening between same-sex attracted people and people who identify as the opposite sex. If there IS any controversy about trans men, it is that butch lesbians are being medically transitioned at a faster rate than any other demographic. Many same-sex attracted females are medically transitioning, butch or not. This leaves lesbians feeling pretty erased/marginalized. And unlike cis-hetero TERFs, I feel like the lesbian TERFs have a valid concern. They are already a marginalized group and if their numbers dwindle they are even less visible. They feel therefore that the T should not be included with same-sex attracted LGB folks. A smaller faction of gay men feel this same way about effeminate males transitioning to female. It just reinforces the homophobia in our society.

So that’s all I will cover today. I want to wrap up this series in one or two more posts. I still have more to say about The Surgeries and I also want to share some more personal experiences with my transition and how I perceive myself as a trans man in a same-sex relationship. But I’m ready to get more artistic & creative for you all!

*******************

I can’t let today go by without commenting on the anniversary of the Capitol Riots. I was feeling pretty horrific on my medication one year ago, but watching the Capitol get destroyed by angry white rednecks who truly believed the election was stolen took me out of my own horror for a few days. I couldn’t believe the mob mentality I was witnessing. Talk about myriad numbers (& no autogynephiles in sight). When I heard one attacker had been shot & killed, my first thought was ‘Why not more?’ My next thought was ’No, let these fuckers live to be tried & punished.’  In my heart I knew I was not in favor of massive police force. I was outraged when Trump finally went public & called those bloody terrorists ‘Very special people.’ As the riots wound down and they started fencing people in and apprehending them, I though ‘This is what a police state would look like.’ But I also panicked when so many rioters escaped. It was a no win situation between rioters & police. 

A year later we still have no confidence that this won’t happen again. The people who believe the election was stolen are still out there, and apparently still angry. Congress triumphed on Jan 6, 2021 and got their votes in by that evening. But congress can’t solve ignorance. Congress almost got whacked by ignorance. It would be nice if there was a dynamic, unifying contingent of leaders who could bridge this oceanic gap between us, the civilian warriors (aka average US citizens). But I don’t see that happening by 2024. The carnage that Trump unleashed with his years of hate speech (& lies!) won’t soon be washed from our streets & towns & institutions.

Also can’t believe it’s been 2 YEARS that we’ve all been living under threat of pandemic cooties! These are unnecessarily difficult times. Almost hopeless you could say. And yet I still manage to find joy and humor in unexpected ways. And I can see you all doing the same. We are as adaptable as viruses, you & I. I know all this infighting & dying will lead to a grand enlightenment of sorts. I just hope it happens before I’m too old, or dead.

It's snowing here. My cisgender slacks are moist.

* Correction: The Ute Hagen who is the modern day TERF is NOT the Uta Hagen I mentioned a few posts ago as having lectured at FSU when I was a student there. That was Uta Hagen the famous Broadway actress who died in 2004, and who would probably never have aligned herself with TERFdom. I knew it couldn’t have been the same person…. who knew Ute/Uta Hagen was such a popular name??

**A few years ago I wrote a blog called ‘I Hate the Word Cisgender Too’. Back then I did not know what ‘cis’ meant, and no one else did either. I have since learned that ‘cis’ means ‘on the same side of’ just as ‘trans’ means ‘on the other side of’. I still hate the word cisgender, but now that I know it actually has meaning I can tolerate it better.

TERVISH WHIRLING

 Hi Friends,

I’m back w/ episode 3 of what is shaping up to be a “Holiday Series” on the state of LGB  TQness from the inside and the outside.

Without further adoo-doo I want to introduce you to a Triad of TERFs whose voices rise above the rest. They’re critical! They’re smug! They’re special! And they’re always right because they have all the facts you could ever want on gender!  Please welcome —

Kellie-Jay Keen

TT Exulansic

     and

KAREN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, one of our TERFs is indeed a Karen. Karen Davis to be exact. I have given you the real names of these women in case you want to experience them for yourselves. However, when I write about them down below I will be using cutesy little nicknames for them, and I will also be misgendering them, just as they insist on doing to the trans folks they talk about.

 

Let’s start with Mr. Keen, whom I will heretofore refer to as HOSEY HARKER:

Hosey Harker is a British TERF whose smugness is matched only by his technical inabilities. I’ve had to stop watching his videos because it’s embarrassing to see him fumble with the technology, bobbling his blond Monroesque head saying “Oh my, what am I doing?” Plus all he does now is thank his army of haters for their cash donations and beg everyone to buy his merch.

But let’s start at the beginning. Hosey Harker was a progressive left feminist until one day a trans woman showed up at the feminist rally Mr. Harker was attending and dared to say things that didn’t align with Mr. Harker’s idea of what a feminist should be. Now this trans woman may or may not have been out of line. She may or may not have been an autogynephile. She may or may not have been wearing “woman face”, which is how Mr. Harker describes trans women who wear too much make up and sexy clothes w/out bothering to shave or get surgery, making “womanhood” into some kind of drag farce.

I was not at the meeting and I don’t have the facts. I have to rely on what Mr. Harker has said about it. 

Unfortunately, around this same time, a couple of things happened in the UK that brought negative attention onto the trans community. Karen White, a trans woman who was an inmate at a woman’s prison, raped other inmates whilst there; you can read about it here—

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/oct/11/karen-white-how-manipulative-and-controlling-offender-attacked-again-transgender-prison

Aside from the obvious tragedy resulting from this bureaucratic error, another thing about this Karen that stood out to me was that she — stood out. She had a history of prior violence; she seemed “off” to her psychologist, ie different from other trans patients; she was jailed for a very violent crime and probably should’ve been confined from the rest of the prisoners whether she was in a men’s or women’s facility.

Another thing that happened in the UK around this time was the case of Keira Bell. Bell was a depressed and dysmorphic teenager who sought help from Britain’s Tavistock Gender Clinic. This clinic operates on an “affirmative care” model, which means that anyone who walks through their doors must have gender identity issues significant enough that no questions are asked — they are immediately “affirmed” as the opposite gender and practically pushed into treatments like hormone blockers, HRT, & surgeries.

Bell went through all the “trans rites” I mentioned in my previous blog and she still was not feeling that she fit into society any better as a male. You can read here about the lawsuit she brought against the Tavistock clinic, and how the initial ruling in her favor was overturned recently —

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/249026/keira-bell-uk-woman-who-regrets-teen-gender-transition-sees-court-victory-overturned-on-appeal

Anyhoo, back to Mr. Hosey Harker. He really felt that his lifelong identity as a feminist was being hijacked by not only autogynephilic trans women (and in Mr. Harker’s mind it seems all trans women are autogynephiles) but by those doctors and lawyers on the left who enable them. So now he is a right wing gatekeeper of feminist politics, his central purpose being to define the word WOMAN.

I ask you dear readers, what do you think the word WOMAN means?

(and you can be as snarky about that as you want. But then give it some serious thought and see what you come up with.)

Obviously a woman is an adult human female, as Mr. Harker and the dictionary agree. But what is a human female? Someone who can give birth? Not all human females can do that. Someone with XX chromosomes? For the most part this is true, but there are female-identified humans who have variations on this chromosomal combination. It’s hard to draw the line, even medically. It’s much harder to do so legally. 

But Mr. Hosey Harker seems to think defining womanhood is as easy as misgendering transwomen and wearing a black T-shirt that states in bold sequin lettering “WOMAN = adult human female”

Of the three TERFs I’m profiling here, I think Hosey Harker is my least favorite, because he doesn’t seem to have the intellectual capacity of the other two. He seems very emotionally strung out about his “special women-only spaces” being taken over by this cavalcade of perverts that don’t really exist. Are there autogynephiles out there who put on “woman face” just to assert themselves into women’s spaces? Yes, a few cases have been documented. But this is not a fair representation of trans women on the whole, and I’m sorry that the few known cases have frightened Mr. Harker so badly and that he is so emotionally fragile about his womanhood that he’s now a hateful TERF with a big loud lipsticked mouth, shouting about who qualifies as female and who doesn’t.

 

So now let’s talk about Mr Exulansic, whom I will heretofore call PP Sexual Antics:

Mr Sexual Antics actually seems like an interesting fellow. He is a speech pathologist and knows lots about voices and vocal maladies and why trans people talk in “tranny voice”. He has extensive medical knowledge, beyond just voice stuff. He knows a lot about THE SURGERIES, and can rhapsodize in fluent medicalese about why it’s not a good idea to take a scalpel to the pelvic floor of anyone, or what long term effects hormone blockers can have on the entire endocrine system (gender hormones are not the only hormones flowing through our human meatsacks). Mr Sexual Antics also studied languages along the way and is very clever with the word play — touche Mr SA !! Good one! Ouch. Anyway…he entertains while he makes his salient points.

Another very important thing about Mr Sexual Antics is that he once suffered from gender dysphoria. He is a rare specimen who succumbed to conversion therapy — I’m not sure where or how — but he had a psychologist who was not gender-affirming, and questions were asked and realizations were made, and poof, Mr SA’s gender dysphoria was cured and he was content with living the rest of his life as a woman, bypassing the option of becoming a lifelong hormone patient. Good for him! I am genuinely happy that he found a solution for his gender dysphoria that didn’t involve being medicalized for a lifetime. Except maybe he will be on anti depressants forever?

Mr Sexual Antics seems like a rather bitter person. He became a presence on youtube, TikTok and Twitter, he claims, to strike out at the medical professionals who are ruining the lives of young people. He is contemptuous of the gender therapists who use the affirmative model. He is livid at the surgeons who carve up healthy genitals only to have to repair and revise their work over & over. This seems pretty noble to me — to place the blame for negligence on the professionals who act negligently. Fair enough.

But Mr. Sexual Antics is also pretty hateful toward the young trans people he purports to care about. He mocks their videos. He misgenders them. He thinks every trans person should be converted by therapy rather than be on hormones forever. He thinks gender dysphoria is just depression gone wild, and kids are too stupid to realize this for themselves and give themselves over to the medical monsters who want to capitalize on them. He snickers when a trans kid is on his/her third surgery & still maintains no regrets about it.

Mr Sexual Antics is particularly obsessed with Jazz Jennings, whom he sees as the ultimate sacrificial lamb to the trans medical machine. Not to mention the media machine.

I have followed the story of Jazz’s life since she was a 6-yr-old being interviewed by Barbara Walters. Because when I saw that interview I saw me as a 6-yr-old, desperately wishing for a second chance to be born as a boy instead of a girl. I saw the look on little Jazz’s face and saw the same deep sorrow that I felt about my gender at that age. 

[There are many opinions out there about “who is really trans?” “how can someone know from such a young age that they are not a boy or a girl?” “what criteria do professionals look for when diagnosing a person as Trans?” There are people who believe that gender dysphoria must be present — that it is the very condition that marks the need to medically transition. There are others who believe that dysphoria does not need to be a factor — a person just needs to feel euphoria about being the opposite gender. The people, like me and Jazz, who knew from the time they could talk that they were in the wrong body, are sometimes dubious of the people who experience Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD). It’s not just the surgeries that are still in their experimental phases — it’s the whole ideology around gender that’s not quite understood by anyone, really. By a few very insightful people, maybe. It’s all very complicated and there is no right answer…yet.]

Jazz has grown up on television, which I have no doubt is the greatest contributor to the mental health issues I’ve watched her struggle with. Mr Sexual Antics seems to think it has more to do with puberty blockers (Lupron) and an over-involved family dynamic. Mr SA says that Jazz’s mother has Munchausen-by-proxy, and that she is the one who pressured Jazz into transition and surgeries, so that she could reap all the sympathy and admiration that comes with having a trans child. I totally agree that Jazz’s mom is way too involved in her daughter’s private life. But I totally disagree that she pushed Jazz in any way. I think she supported Jazz in her identity as a girl, and kind of let Jazz lead the way (which has also been criticized by many).

Also, I believe that the sadness that comes with being gender dysphoric at such a young age never leaves you. You can take hormones, you can have surgeries, you can dance, you can do art, you can do sports…but somewhere inside you lives that prehistoric sorrow of being born wrong. It can be managed, it can be molded & directed & channeled any which way, but there are times when it’s just going to flare up, where it will be recalled by old neural pathways you thought you’d paved over. And I think that’s what Jazz is experiencing right now.

Just for the record, Jazz started puberty blockers at 11. She had been depressed many times as a child, and continued to have depressive episodes throughout her teens, even after starting HRT. Shortly before her 18th birthday (which I agree is too soon) she had her first gender confirmation surgery (vaginoplasty). It was all televised, including the doctor visits where they determined that the puberty blockers had stunted the growth of her male genitals enough to be a problem for constructing proper female genitals from them. There was footage from the operating room. There was footage of doctors advising her to go off the estrogen to allow for some growth of the male genitals. There was footage of a few doctors advising her to wait on the surgery until it was a little more fine-tuned. But Jazz chose to go right ahead and have experimental surgery in June of 2018. She didn’t want to go off hormones and risk any facial hair or deepened voice.  So the surgeons did the best they could with what they had to work with.

The smuggest post op photo I could find --Back at ya terfs!

And there were complications. And more surgeries. I think she had a total of three surgeries to get a functional and aesthetic vagina. And she was on pain medication. And she was on bed rest. And she had to dilate herself three times a day. And she had to apply to colleges. And she got into Harvard but wasn’t sure she could go because her surgical wounds were not all the way healed, and she was still on medication, and on TV, and on & on & on…Do you see what I’m saying? Wouldn’t anyone be depressed and anxious in the face of all that? I would! In fact I did go through a period of depression after my (single) top surgery. It’s a big deal, and then it’s over…and you kind of come crashing down from it.

It surprises me that PP Sexual Antics can’t account for all that emotional turbulence, and tries to paint Jazz as the poster child of her mother’s Munchausen syndrome and the surgeons’ predatory egos. PP SA was himself gender dysphoric at one time — is he just feeling a little jealous? He calls the medicalization of trans people a “church” and a “cult” but I think he was just converted by a different “church” whose believers embrace “harsh scientific truth” as their God and don’t allow for the more diaphanous aspects of human nature.

Anyway, I don’t hate PP Sexual Antics as much as the other two TERFs. I allow for his smugness because he really is as smart as he thinks he is. But sometimes being too smart, too factual, closes you off from your humanity. It’s a delicate balance — I love science, and facts, but I also know that there are bits of being human that are indefinable, that defy scientific scrutiny or factual pedantry.

Farewell, Mr PP Sexual Antics. Enjoy your time in Twitter jail.

Woo-hoo, now it’s time to talk about KAREN, whom I will refer to as Ziwe’s Kanundrum:

Oh what can I say about Ziwe’s Kanundrum??? Well I’ll tell you this — he is a black TERF named Karen. So much kanundrum!

Like Hosey Harker, ZK pretty much thinks all trans women are autogynephilic perverts. But like PP Sexual Antics, ZK is a fairly educated, talented, funny person. He is a music teacher who plays guitar and keyboards and writes some clever songs about being a TERF.

It’s harder to argue against or discredit TERFs (terves, as ZK calls them) when they are witty and charming, and when they are friends with other reputable intellectuals like Ute Hagen.

I’m not sure how ZK and Ute Hagen became friends, but I imagine it was through the academic pipeline. I remember Ute Hagen giving a theater lecture at FSU when I was a student there so many years ago. So these two creative academics are good friends and make videos together. And it so happens that Ute Hagen is a “trans widow”. That means that her husband of many years suddenly came out as a trans woman, and he was indeed of the autogynephilic persuasion. Sadly, he insisted on Ute participating in new and strange sexual configurations that were never before part of their marriage, and which were really against her will. She finally had to admit that their marriage was over, that there was no “working things out” with her husband, and what he was doing to her was toxic and abusive.

“Trans widowhood” is common when one partner in a relationship comes out later in life, well into the marriage, and the other partner cannot adjust to the change. Not all of these situations involve autogynephilia however. Perhaps through his association with Ute, ZK formed the opinion that the vast majority of trans women are homewrecking, wife abusing perverts. 

ZK is a bit of a bully. He sings his TERF songs loud and proudly, he misgenders and provokes and insults the bodies of the trans women who populate youtube and twitter (most of whom are not representative of what an average real-life trans woman is). He likes to take down the white male pervs with his astounding musical ability and wit.

The worst thing about Ziwe’s Kanundrum is that he is so blinded by his own splendor he fails to see the HUGE picture all around him — that far from being all white male perverts, trans women are usually just nice ladies who come in all shades of pink, brown, black, turquoise and ochre. That far from always being the perpetrators of sexual abuse/violence, trans women are usually the victims of such violence. He may be shocked to discover that there are trans women as smart and talented as he is, who don’t spend their days putting on “woman face” and traipsing into locker rooms to expose their “peens.”

SO…that’s all I will say about the Triad of TERFS. I did not include the most famous TERF of all — JK Rowling — because she is pretty boring as TERFs go. Her stance may be much more damaging due to her high visibility but she only strikes occasionally on Twitter and I don’t want to give her any more “air time” than she already gets. 

As for Dave Chappelle — I really don’t think he is Team TERF. I think he only has half an understanding of what a TERF is. I think he is a former transphobe who recognizes that he was woefully under-informed about true trans experiences. I do think his friendship with his token trans friend fostered in him a desire to be more tolerant. I think like most straight men, his fear of trans women came from an overtly sexual place. We all know straight men are terrified of being duped into anything that resembles homosexuality. And that’s what trans women represent to a lot of straight men. Just like TERFs think trans women are autogynephilic pervs who want to invade their spaces, straight men think trans women are homosexuals who want to trick them into doing gay stuff.

I thought I could wrap up this “Holiday Series” in 2 or 3 episodes, but I do feel I have more to say about Detransitioners, Autogynephiles, Surgeries and the Conservative Movement within the trans community. I’m chronicling all this stuff not just for yall’s entertainment, but for my own enlightenment. I can get way too complacent about the state of things in my own little bubble and I need a reality check on occasion.

P.S. I had my first colonoscopy this week! And it was not without some drama. I may tell you all about it in the next episode. HERE in the Octopus Diary.

What's Black & White & Trans All Over

 Hello My Abandoned Little Blogspace & All the Popeyes Peeping In,

I’m back! Just in time to wrap up this frenzied and fruitful year with a big red Xmes*/Chihuanikkah ribbon! When I say frenzied and fruitful I do not mean halcyon and pear-shaped — I really mean frenzied and fruitful.

By now you know that I began this year with a horrific pharmaceutical side effect called akathisia, that we made the rash decision to not only sell our house in Sarasota but to haul our asses all the way back to Tony “Moonchild” Egler’s incipient horizon, and that somewhere in between I managed to have a chapbook published by Alien Buddha Press and you can still buy your copy today**. (I also have some poems that will be published at different venues starting very soon. I’ll keep you posted on FBhook)

Pretty exciting, ha? Sometimes I want to shout “Make it Stop!” because as you know I like sloth-paced living best and this has been more of a tasmanian dust-devil trajectory.

But what I actually came here to discuss in this very serious space are some of the frenzied & tasmanian developments within the LGB  TQ errr, community[?]  First though, I will answer a couple questions you had regarding akathisia —

1) How can you tell if you’re just really depressed & anxious, or if you’re having a reaction to your medication?

I sort of explained this in the last blog, but it’s been awhile…You can tell if your normal depression/anxiety symptoms get dialed up to 111. Beyond anything that is bearable. You can tell if you are taking any of the medications I mentioned (anti-psychotics, benzos, anti-nauseates) and you just keep feeling worse and worse. You can tell if you feel like your skin is crawling, like your spine is being nibbled by rats and you keep twisting & turning and rocking to stop the ticklish/agony of it. You can tell if your brain is a non stop nightmare zone — senselessly horrific scenes rapidly forming in your head all day. Rapidly. Speedy, unstoppable scrolls of terror. Not just a bad thought here, a sad thought there…but floods of anguish that can’t be reasoned through. The subjective and objective will blur and these nightmarish thoughts will translate into regrets about your whole existence that cast you as some kind of monster or demon who deserves to feel the way you do (and that was the tricky part — I thought I was having valid realizations about what a terrible person I was, and how everything I did in my life was a terrible affront to humanity, especially those closest to me)

Here's the only art I did in 2021 (and I did it on Jan 3rd, so a whole year ago almost) Quintuplets' Supper on the Tour Bus w/ Barefoot Mom

Some of the terrifying thoughts I can remember having throughout the winter of ’20/’21 were of my house suddenly conflagrating and my pets getting burned alive. Knowing that if I didn’t run into the fire to save them I was a terrible selfish person. Hearing their cries of pain and death and not being brave enough to burn with them. Also had a strange fear of all the glass objects in my house — from kitchenware to decorations to windows — seeing them as animate beings that would shatter if I came too close to them and try to embed their tiniest shards into my skin so that it would take painstaking effort to remove them. 

These are not thoughts that I would willingly torment myself with, even if I was very depressed & anxious. It brings to mind what (I’ve heard) happens with postpartum depression. I kept wondering to myself, Why the fuck do I have p.p. depression at my age/gender/childlessness level??

2) What actually causes it?

The uncontrollable movements/thoughts that characterize akathisia come from flooded dopamine centers in your brain, coupled with depleted serotonin centers. It happens to people with schizophrenia/bi-polar/Tourette’s who are on these anti-psychotic medications for a long time, or if they try to stop them. It’s kind of a round robin of side effects being worse than the diagnosis, going off meds, experiencing symptoms of diagnosis, going back on meds that will eventually make your skin crawl. Caring, experienced professionals are needed to recognize and help manage these precarious balances. 

It can also happen with recreational drugs like cocaine. Key is knowing your own mental/emotional playing field well enough to recognize when suicidal ideations feel like electrical cattle prods rather than well thought-out end-of-life solutions. 

[Not advocating suicide here, but I respect those who make the decision to end their lives, if it is indeed a choice to escape insurmountable circumstances]

Which brings me to my intended topic regarding the LGB  TQ’s… starting with

DAVE & DAPHNE

By now we’ve all seen the latest Dave Chappelle comedy special and have our own opinions about how transphobic it was or wasn’t. I posted my own response to it on Facebook, along with an array of responses from the trans community (as it exists on Youtube). And if you’re one of those people who had to cry out about Well, why was the part about child sex abuse in the church glossed over? OR Why didn’t the joke about Space Jews cause a huge riotous protest? I’ll explain —

a) the punchline about Dave loving to cum in the priest’s face was a triumphant punch UP against the church & its conclave of pedophiles. ‘Mmmmkay? 

b) the joke about the ’Space Jews’ was met with a lot of groans from the audience. But I’ll bet this was Dave’s way of punching up at rich Hollywood executives (we’ve heard forever that Hollywood is run by old Jewish guys)

c) the bulk of the show was not about Dave’s complicated relationship with priests or Jewish people. It was about his complicated relationship with the LGB  TQs

[I’ll explain later why I keep separating the LGB from the TQ. There is a rift in the community and it is happening between those particular letters. I also don’t include the I or the A because intersex people largely don’t want to be lumped under the umbrella of sexual/gender identities. Intersex is a medical condition and most intersex people lean into the binary one way or the other by puberty. The A can mean Asexual or Ally —and asexuals, largely, are turned off by the overt sexualization of the whole LGB  TQ movement. Allies are allies and can be offended on our behalf (or not) but are generally cisgender, heteronormative folks.]

Anyway, the special pretty much has Mr Chappelle pitting the Black Lives Matter movement against the LGB  TQ movement (which in his mind is an all white movement? it seems?). He sees the LGB  TQs as very successful at effecting change in the world & the BLM movement as not so successful. Which may or may not be true, but totally trivializes the need for both movements to be equally successful.

 

Dave makes some pretty graphic jokes about trans women’s anatomy and way-of-being in the world. Which is not what offended ME personally — I allow for sexually gratuitous humor because I grew up in the 80s and I’m kind of inured to that explicit lowness of brow, especially from men. Yawn, I say. Dave is a straight, cis man who likes pussy and LOVES his dick. Wow! Who would’ve guessed.

What I hated about those jokes is that they demonstrated a total lack of understanding of what it means to be a trans woman. What gender dysphoria feels like…WHY a (biological) man would reject his body/social role/privilege even… to be a WOMAN (whether it’s a woman who still has a dick to whip out in front of the urinal, or one who has opted for that “impossible pussy” that just isn’t real pussy).

In my opinion, if you don’t have a deep holistic understanding of things you’re trying to satirize, you should probably steer clear of satirizing, or mocking, or demeaning these things, especially if these things are human beings.

Let’s talk about Daphne now. She was a friend of Dave’s from way back — 2006, I believe he said — before he even had his Comedy Central show. They somehow became engaged in a heckling dialogue at one of his stage shows, and Dave said he just couldn’t understand why she would want to go through life pretending to be a woman, and she replied that he didn’t need to understand why, he just needed to accept that she was having a human experience.

A comedian herself, Daphne was one who could ’suck it up.’ She was strong of spirit and character, not a petulant little snowflake who would stomp out of the theater in response to a little heckling. She even gave Dave a pass on understanding her — just believe I’m having a human experience. And Dave liked that. It freed him up to continue thinking (and joking) negatively about the trans people who weren’t so accommodating. What’s their fucking problem???

Now, I’ll have to admit that I’m probably more like Daphne than your average Millennial or Gen Z trans activist. I would rather fight ignorance with razor-sharp humor than foot-stomping insistence on conformity to the new world order. But I’ll also admit that my razor-sharpness has dulled in my old age, and sometimes all I can do is grumble Baaa, not this shit again…

…and that’s pretty much how I felt about this whole special and the fall-out from it —Baaaaaa!! Why are we still at square one on this??

What I discovered though, in trying to discern just where the public at large stood on trans issues in 2021, is that we are not at square one at all.  Somewhere in 2015 we may have all been at square one. But now some of us are at square 3,817 and some of us are at square -1billion.

So…let’s return to Daphne. She and Dave remained friends for many years. He invited her to open for him when he had a show in her hometown. She continued to stand up to hecklers like a champ. She continued to be tough & suck it all up. She defended Dave when TRAs (trans rights activists — more on them later) boycotted him and called for his “cancellation” — in 2019 I think — after his previous special, which was also very focused on the LGB  TQ community.

Then the TRAs turned on Daphne. 

And here’s where the whole thing goes pear-shaped for me. Because Daphne ended up committing suicide by jumping from a roof.  And Dave joked that it was the most dude-like thing she ever could’ve done, and said she would’ve loved that joke, and that it was the fault of the TRAs who attacked her online after she defended him…

…and I had to wonder if any of that was true. Would Daphne have loved the joke about her suicide? Was it the TRAs who forced her to her death? Was Dave using Daphne —his token trans friend! — as a shield against those he perceived to be too sensitive to suck up his brand of cis/hetero humor? Would Dave appreciate a white guy making insensitive jokes about black people just because he had a black friend? [I can answer that one — in fact Dave answered it in the 00s when he walked out of his lucrative contract with Comedy Central because of how many white people were appropriating his jokes that made fun of black culture.]

It turns out that after Daphne defended Dave in 2019, about 9 people on Twitter came after her for supporting his transphobic rhetoric. (Who knows how many in-real-life TRAs may have harassed her?) It also turns out that Daphne had a lot of other aggravating circumstances in her life — money problems, estrangement from her children, other family conflicts — at the time of her suicide.

Anyway…the special went from comedy to tragedy very quickly in my eyes. But my deep dive into the rabbit hole of post-Chappelle fall-out from the post modern trans rights movement was very …confusing in an enlightening way. This blog has gotten wayyyyy llooonnnngggg, and I know your attention spans are crying out for mercy so I will be kind and wrap it up —

 — I still have a lot to say though. Recall that Dave proclaimed himself “Team TERF” at the beginning of the special. I’ve known about TERFs for awhile now, and my understanding was that they were a minority faction of the latest feminist wave that were douche-y man-haters and their hate extended to trans women because they happened to be “biological men.”

I had no idea how douche-y and vocal TERFs actually were though, and I will regale you with everything I’ve learned about TERFs and TRAs and Autogynephiles and trans-medicalism and conservative trans bloggers and Detransitioners and vaginoplasties and phalloplasties and all the other “trans rites” surgeries and Jazz Jennings who returned to TV this week instead of starting classes at Harvard. Oh, and the rift between the LGBs and the TQs… 

…so very much fascinating sociology! HERE in the Octopus Diary.

****************

*Xmes = rhymes with Hermes (the fancy scarf designer)

**You can get my poetry collection True Stories of the Odd Equinox here