In & Out Teetus Deletus Operation Completus

 Friends, Frenemies & Indolent Bystanders,

This is supposed to be the final installment of my Update-on-all-things-transgender Series, but I doubt it will be. When I first started delving into all this, I was a little embarrassed by how unaware I was of … many things. Now that I have a better grasp on what is going down in my own demographic, I don’t want to miss a moment of the drama. This is no trivial trans-housewives drama either — the dynamic discussion between Trans Rights Activists and Gender Critical folks is shaping the nuances of perceived reality for those of us in the middle of it.

Of course I lean heavily toward the side of the TRAs, but I don’t discount the feelings/opinions of the opposition. I can definitely understand how the LGBs feel crowded out of the big rainbow umbrella right now. I can understand why TERFs are concerned about puberty blockers. I am skeptical of the medical industrial complex’s commandeering of gender identity. I don’t believe that everyone who medically transitions is really transgender. I do believe that a lot of what is happening is a trend that will peak soon. And hopefully as the dust settles we will have a better intuitive grasp on what happened.

Vin as a young boy skating on an iceberg (you can't see the cute little penguin)

That is not to say I think gender identity will go back to being binary, heteronormative or otherwise compartmentalized. It will just find a normalized zone and even the casualties like the detransitioners will heal and find vindication in their body odysseys however they can. I can remember when I first became a blogger on MySpace, I always wrote about how I couldn’t wait until androgyny took over the world. And while we don’t call it “androgyny” so much anymore, I feel like this is what I meant. A true reckoning with gender roles, rules, stereotypes, expectations and a purge of what is no longer necessary. I had no idea it would be so loud & messy though… or that I would be participating in the flesh (not just as a writer).

Anyway, I have some conspiracy theories to go over with you, some thoughts on transgender athletes (I am watching the winter olympics & have seen 0 trans athletes taking over the whole world of sports…), some further thoughts on everything else we’ve talked about, and an update on the TERFs I profiled in Part 3 of this series (Tervish Whirling). 

I also have some new-ish art for you. I’ve been inspired by the Olympics, and by living in a place where it snows, so I’ve been drawing a lot of water in its frozen state. Today’s sketches were done in the early days of 2021 when i wasn’t feeling very well at all, and I filled them in with dots this month, whilst feeling quite splendid.

Tarot sketch (Banksy Tarot)

TRANS CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Trans conspiracy theories are mainly promoted by TERFs.

The biggest theory out there right now is the one regarding EVIL philanthropist billionaire Jon Stryker and his Arcus Foundation. Stryker is a gay man, and an heir to a substantial fortune. He created the non-profit Arcus Foundation to help with the rescue & conservation of great apes, and also to promote & advance awareness of LGBT issues. This foundation has created scholarships and funded all sorts of educational materials, books and programs that seek to bolster the prospects of LGBT students, artists, and business owners.

The Arcus Foundation is the main contributor to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) which has been the leader in spreading awareness of LGB human rights all around the world, and more recently spreading the word about everything Transgender. 

The HRC is the force behind the movement to bring transgender awareness to education facilities, employment facilities, and religious facilities. It is responsible for things like “What are your pronouns?”in the office and the classroom. It is also responsible for the affirmative care model used by therapists, endocrinologists and surgeons dealing with trans patients. It literally extends its tentacles all across the globe in the name of human rights for transgender folks.

When I think of all the billionaires out there who are doing jack shit, or worse (harm) with their wealth, I’m pretty pleased that the LGBT movement has Stryker on its side.

Tarot sketch (Tattoo Tarot)

But, as the TERFs are quick to point out, there is a lot of money to be made from the lifelong medicalization of transgender folks. Starting with puberty blockers, onto a life of hormones that are injected with needles, then surgeries that are performed with scalpels and sutures and countless other medical devices. And this is relevant to the conspiracy because Jon Stryker’s  inherited fortune comes from his grandfather’s surgical supply company, The Stryker Corporation.

When I first heard talk of Jon Stryker & the Stryker Corporation it sounded like something from the Batman franchise. Fictional, villainous, comical. But I looked into it and it’s all factual. In fact, when I took Tony to his colonoscopy the other day, I noticed that the table he was wheeled away on was emblazoned with the name Stryker.

Anyway, the TERFs would have us believe that Stryker is an evil billionaire with his tap dancing fingers templed as he reviews his spreadsheets with their ever increasing wealth from innocent children who were unduly influenced into gender transition by some book authored by the HRC that made its way into their classrooms. 

And even if this is true, I say…”So what?” Like I said before, I would rather have billionaires who are willing to support the education, rights, and enterprises of LGBT folks than billionaires who would quash those efforts. So what if he gets richer from my use of hormones & needles? 

The downside is — if there is a push to influence young children into transitioning early, there will be more detransitioners. There will be the use of puberty blockers by younger patients. Is this ethical? I don’t know. I’m an adult who is happy to contribute to the Stryker Corporation with my purchases of medical supplies. But to exercise undue influence on the innocent, so that they may become your most loyal customers?

I share with the TERFs a concern for those too young to make such decisions. I know what being transgender is, and it does not need to be suggested as a way of life for anyone. Either you are, or you aren’t, and those who know, know.

Tarot sketch (Wildwood Tarot)

But that’s not where this conspiracy theory ends. It has become more widely postulated that transgenderism is just the gateway to transhumanism.  “Transhumanism” is a term coined by one Martine Rothblatt, a billionaire scientist who is a trans woman, who as Martin Rothblatt founded Sirius XM satellite radio. After transitioning she turned her attentions to the biotech field. Her entrepreneurial interests verge on sci fi fantasy — which isn’t to say they won’t become reality in the near future. Embedded microchips, 3-D printed body parts, life-like sex robots, skin screens, downloadable consciousness, all these things we’ve seen in the movies are on their way to the mainstream marketplace. All thanks to Rothblatt and her money and her executive innovators (possibly from the Stryker Corporation?) 

Rothblatt is a notably eccentric character & of course the TERFs have branded her an autogynephile because she transitioned mid-life and is interested in recreating body parts (namely women’s body parts. They don’t care about the recreation of male body parts, since that won’t erase human men? I guess?) Anyway, transhumanism stands to make our lives an ongoing game of The Sims. This is a business model that will never lack for profit. 3-D printed uterus, anyone? Tiny child robot with huge breasts, anyone? Download your wife’s consciousness so you can really KNOW what it’s like to be a woman? Anyone?

If transgenderism is truly the gateway to transhumanism, then I think it’s too late to close it now. These technologies have been in the hearts & minds of scientists for decades. They’ve been a dominant part of our pop culture in the form of movies & video games since Y2K. If “playing with our gender” is a step toward getting used to having biomechanical body parts, we’ve already taken those steps. And this doesn’t thrill me, for some of the same reasons it doesn’t thrill TERFs, but also just because — I’m getting older & I just got used to being a human. I think humans could benefit from some upgrades, especially in the reproductive department, but can’t we wait until I’m dead? I really don’t want to be around for life-like kiddie porn robots. And I don’t know about anyone being able to download my consciousness — it’s the only private property I really own.

TRANS ATHLETES

Another thing I often hear from the TERFs is how transgender people are taking over sports. Namely that trans women are competing in women’s categories and absolutely DESTROYING the cis women. And then getting naked in the locker rooms just to scare & shock the cis women into submission. And then stealing all the scholarships.

Bullshit. There still aren’t enough trans people in the world for that to be a true threat. There was an incident where swimmer Lia Thomas, a trans woman at UPenn, did beat the other women by a long shot. But she doesn’t beat them by a long shot every time she swims. In fact, her swimming times have slowed considerably since she went on estrogen 2 years ago. I think the TERFs are upset because Thomas hasn’t had bottom surgery yet & still wears a ladies swimsuit.

Sketch: 2020  Dots: 2022

It has been noted that there were 180 LGBTQ athletes who participated in the summer Olympics in Tokyo, and there are 35 LGBTQ athletes at the current winter games in Beijing. But from what I’ve read, a big percentage of these athletes are LGB not T. There is one figure skater who identifies as non-binary on the U.S. team. And I never would’ve known this if I hadn’t read about them, because nothing about them says non-binary to me. They go by a male name, they have a beard and just look like your average gay figure skater. I don’t know if they’ve chosen to present more masculine for the sake of the Olympics (iChina is a very anti gay republic), or if non binary now means whatever the fuck anyone wants it to mean.

I would ask this person their pronouns but I wouldn't fear them raping me in the bathroom

(editor’s note: I do notice that this look is very IN right now. An otherwise all feminine guy — clothes, hair, make-up, nails, jewelry — and then, a beard. As an ancient Gen X binary trans man, this does not make much sense to me. Unless it is just the fashion statement of the day, something to piss off parents and professors. It certainly is androgynous.)

Anyway, I don’t foresee trans women making a mockery of women’s sports any time soon. As a former competitive swimmer, I would’ve loved to compete against someone like Lia Thomas. I think I would’ve brought it to another level trying to beat her. I just don’t see women as SUCH sissies & weaklings. Is that how TERFs see themselves? 

TERVISH UPDATE

I sure do give the TERFs a hard time, don’t I? They are irksome, but I try to listen to their points objectively & admit when they are right. I can sympathize with trauma and feeling victimized. I’ve been there. But I didn’t want to go through life perceiving myself as “oppressed”, either as a woman or a trans man. I took great effort to confront my traumas and work through them, so that I wouldn’t go through life feeling like a victim. It was too hard.

So I do get irked when I see women who are obviously well-educated, with good jobs, and happy home lives trying to win the oppression Olympics* because trans women exist. It just doesn’t ring true to me, and it makes me worry about the day when all the heat is on trans men. When cis men are looking at me going “Get out of my restroom, you pervy autoandrophile!” “How dare you think you get to use my important pronouns!” “Show me your dick!”

*ah, the oppression Olympics. Or as it is also called The Hierarchy of Oppression. This is another trend that I think will peak soon, and leave us with a clearer grasp on who really is oppressed & needs the most protective attentions. I used to think this all began in the university systems, but it actually became a part of our mainstream culture in the Occupy Wall St camps. The 98% is not a monolith, it turns out, even though we are all victims of the 1%.

Sketch: 2021  Dots: 2022 (sometimes the sparkly ink doesn't photograph so well)

OK…here’s your update on the 3 TERFs from episode 3: 

Hosey Harker is still going strong on YouTube, though he remains banned from Twitter. He is getting quite cuddly with the folks over at Fox News, because they’re the only ones who take him seriously. He proudly pushes their anti trans agenda.

Karen Davis got himself banned from Twitter for trolling all the trans women and accusing them all of being autogynephiles. He is still making YouTube vids & seems to be the instigator of all the bullying he claims is being leveled at the “terves.”

And our beloved Mr Sexual Antics, whom I first thought was the smartest and most sympathetic of the TERFs really went off the deep end. He became needlessly hateful and his targeting of Jazz Jenning’s family got so ugly & personal I couldn’t handle it anymore. He ended up pissing off the wrong group of people & they drew some unflattering comics about him & he retaliated with more super-personal hate mongering, and he is now banned from YouTube as well as Twitter.

It would be easier to take to heart some of the concerns these trolls have if they weren’t so demonstrably prejudiced. Mr Sexual Antics claimed to have the children’s interests in mind when he started his channel, but he doesn’t care about Jazz, or any other trans kid. He just wants to make them look stoopid.

I don’t even believe these women are in any state of post trauma regarding sexual assault. Harker has reported being sexually assaulted in college but he is married with several children and made a successful life for himself as a nurse before going on this anti trans media blitz. Trauma expresses itself in many ways, but it usually doesn’t look so rosy & perky. The other two haven’t made any claims about being assaulted, but they do seem to have this underlying resentment of men. They both want to be the smartest person in the room, and if a man comes along with his louder voice and mansplainy ways, their smartitude might be overlooked.

Again, I have to wonder what this would look like if the tables were turned. If it were cis men complaining about trans men in their midst. Why do I have to pretend this “woman” is equal to me? What if my son catches sight of a vagina in the boys’ locker room? What if a trans man is smarter and more capable than me, or beats me at tennis or gets that promotion at work? We can see the misogyny in these scenarios very clearly. I feel like the TERFs are a bit misandro-ist. It just seems more like hatred than fear to me.

Always remember the girls from Monkeypus

And to those women who really are dealing with post traumatic stress due to violence at the hands of a male, I extend sympathy. The inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces is likely to be an extra hurdle in the healing process. I have not found any one source that details the number of assaults by “men in dresses” in women’s spaces. There was the one assault in the British prison system, and there have been public outcries about pre-op trans women “exposing” their penises in women’s locker rooms. But statistics show it is trans people who are most likely to be assaulted, humiliated and driven out of gendered spaces. 

The chance that the trans woman in the stall next to you is Buffalo Bill is about 7 million to one. This is the narrative we should be promoting — not the fear tactics employed by the TERFs. If you are in constant fear of being raped, fear parking lots. Fear cars. Fear fraternity houses. And get some counseling.

****************

All Right, Folks. That concludes my series on all things transgender…for now. I know there’ll be more to the discussion. But I am tired. I will be back sometime in March with some icy art for you!

The Detransitioners

 Dear Friends,

I hope you had a good Stressmas. I think I did. I don’t know why I get stressed out by the holidays but I do. I feel like I have to spend time “doing stuff” that I normally would never do in the name of being festive and having fun. But it always ends up working out just fine.

Thank you all for reading & enjoying my “Holiday Series” about the state of the LGB & TQ peoples. I know you have found it as fascinating as I do. And today I’ll be talking a little more about The Detransitioners.

The first thing I want to say about The Detransitioners is — if people who have medically transitioned feel the need, for whatever reason, to detransition, I AM OK with that. I don’t worry that it will make the trans community, or me personally, look bad. I don’t care. If  transitioning to the opposite gender is not working for someone, then what they do about it is their own decision to make.

Super femme in 2004

I think I’ve been subconsciously preparing for the day when detransition stories on youtube (&Tumblr) outnumbered the “yay look at me 5 days on T!!” stories. I never wanted to come out and say that I didn’t believe that everyone who was transitioning in the mid-10s was actually trans. That would’ve made me an unholy gatekeeper who was transier-than-thou. And honestly I knew that if trans trendering was really a thing, it would reveal itself soon enough and get sorted out in the social medias for everyone to see.

I could see that it was primarily a youth-driven phenomenon. Sure we like to blame it on Caitlyn Jenner’s stunning Vanity Fair cover, but I think she mainly made it safe for people my age & older to come out. I totally blame Tumblr for the foothold medical transition took in youth culture from 2010 on…

…when I began my transition I was told I could find not just info but a whole trans commune(ity) on TUMBLR!! So I went there, and lo! it was a topography of the most beautiful, sculpted, cosmetized, PASSING trans folk you ever saw! It was all very shallow and I could tell it would not be the place for me to get any advice or companionship. However…I could see that if I had been my 13-14-15 yr old self in the age of Tumblr, I definitely would’ve been seduced.

June vs. Sep 2008

The thing is though, I knew way before the age of 13-14-15 that I was “in the wrong body.” [And I know that phrase has no favor in the community, but that is exactly how a child would describe it. The latest criticism from the right is “You wouldn’t say a disabled child was born in the wrong body!!” But I’ll bet many disabled children lament being born in the wrong body while they are coming to terms with their situations. Plus, I viewed femaleness as a deformity (probably because I was told it was)]. Anyway, the “trend” when I started my transition was Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria that usually presented at puberty. A child who had never voiced or displayed gender non conformity in early childhood was suddenly beset at 13-14-15 with feelings that gender issues were the cause of their depression.

And I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experience here. There may have been some very valid gender issues going on with these kids at that pubescent age. But hormones and surgeries aren’t the only solutions to gender issues. There is a middle ground and there should be other options. I think therapists are still just learning how to handle ROGD because in the last decade they’ve been bombarded by it. And of course there are unethical therapists out there who have an agenda or an alliance with capitalist medicine. But I don’t think gender therapists on the whole are horrible people who want to experiment on your children for a buck.

Going for androgynous chic in 2009

In the weeks that I’ve been doing this Holiday Series, the number of Detransitioners has grown. At first I was seeing mainly FtMtF detransitioners, but more and more MtFtMs are going public. I still maintain that a small percentage of these detransitioners could be right-wing activists trying to stir the pot, but I believe most of them are sincere. One thing that does sadden me is that many of these detransitioners do adopt a right-wing political stance upon realizing their mistakes. This highlights how politicized gender identity really is (ie, is “detrans” the new season of gender?)

I have yet to hear a story where a young person was actively coerced by a mental health or medical professional to “just try the hormones, they’re good for you.” These kids were willing participants in their transitions and most of them admit it. Even Keira Bell specifically sought treatment for her own feelings of gender dysphoria.

But as they begin the process of detransitioning I hear a lot of these people say they did feel pressure from somewhere —whether it was their politics, their peers, or the social medias — to alleviate their depressive symptoms through gender transition. Some of them feel taken advantage of by mental health professionals when they were in a vulnerable state. Some of them say they were seduced by the success-only, beautifully curated community on Tumblr. A large percentage of female-born transitioners cite pornography — or the overall misogyny of internet culture— as their motivation for no longer wanting to identify as female. The male-born transitioners are often so insecure in their masculinity they feel that life would be “easier” if they were just female.

And a lot of these kids get pretty far into their transitions before realizing “Hey, this isn’t for me.” Testosterone can change a girl’s voice in a matter of weeks. A good many FtMtFs on youtube confess they are heartbroken because they’ve lost their singing voices. A lot of these kids go through with surgeries they come to regret, including hysterectomies and vaginoplasties. Plus synthetic estrogen and testosterone are not without risk. Estrogen causes blood clots and can exacerbate auto-immune conditions. Testosterone increases the production of red blood cells, which can cause stroke (and which is why I go to the blood bank every few months to get rid of all those RBCs!)

Fluid in 2012 (ballet vs. Gerard drag)

What can we do to help people who have realized their choice to transition to the opposite gender was a mistake? Or better yet, how can we keep people from making that mistake in the first place? The responsibility really does lie on the shoulders of mental health and medical professionals, but as a happily transitioned adult, I feel like there should be something I can do or say to keep people from going down the wrong path with their bodies, their identities, their fertility. I don’t want to be a “gatekeeper” but I do think that there is a difference between someone who’s known since early childhood that they were “in the wrong body” and someone who gets ROGD from something they saw on the internet.

And this is not to say that 4-yr olds should be given puberty blockers. [Our favorite TERF Exulansic (Sexual Antics) speculates this will be happening in the near future. I say nonsense. You’re going crazy on me, Mr Sexual Antics. And I thought you were the smart TERF.] Gender identity issues that present at 3-4-5 yrs of age should be handled with as much care as those that present at 13-14-15. But what is that care? Who will care enough to do the right thing? Parents? Doctors? Teachers? Gender therapists?

In the 1970s when I was insisting that I was a boy, I was taken to psychiatrists who wanted to convert me by forcing the issue of femininity. Play with the dolls! Wear the pink tutus! And by the time I was 8 yrs old I was broken in, realizing that my outward gender presentation ought to match my biological sex, or life would be a problem for me. It was not a happy realization, and it didn’t CURE my gender dysphoria, it just made me a mean, sarcastic little girl and young lady.

First binder! 2015

I don’t know any parents or doctors who would recommend that method in the 2020s. I know more parents are accepting of gender non conformity in their children these days. Boys don’t HAVE to play football to be the apple of their fathers’ eyes, and girls don’t have to be obedient little princesses to please their whole families. But I remember being told I was a tomboy, which still meant I was a girl, and I was like, Nope I’m just a boy-boy. I think there are ways to tell whether your child is just happily flouting gender boundaries or whether there is a deep problem with gender identity.

There is a looming movement from the right to convince us all that young children who express the wish to be the opposite gender will grow out of it. That by puberty, most of these children will embrace their at-birth sex and begin living their biological destinies. That these children are NOT at risk for suicide/attempts any more than the average teen/young adult.

And it may be true that a gender dysphoric child will begin to conform to gender norms at puberty, mainly because the peer pressure to do so is so great. Maybe because the pubescent flood of hormones dictates it. I know that’s what happened to me. Between the ages of 8 — 16 I did NOT want to be seen as some pervy outcast (which is exactly how I would’ve been seen in the 1980s). I didn’t want to be different from my peers. So I made it a project to be the perfect definition of girl/daughter/sister.

At 17, I became more of a rebel. It was like I remembered who I really was. I fought against gender boundaries as well as other societal boundaries. It was exciting and liberating for awhile, but the year I turned 20 I had a major relapse into the sort of gender dysphoria I had as a child. Actually it was way worse because I was a young adult trying to navigate a world that saw me as less-than. A sex object. A gender object. I was overtaken by depression so huge that I tried to kill myself by drinking a cup of Drano. I stabilized in my 20s by becoming more a part of the LGB community. But at 30 I had yet another wave of severe gender dysphoria and contemplated suicide again.

2016 — 1 year on T and going for the man bun while watching Rudolph

Obviously I lived to tell about my dysadventures. But plenty of gender dysphoric kids do not live to tell. Let’s not forget the story of Leela Alcorn. Her depression was so big she threw herself under the wheels of a truck. 

It will definitely take a village to get this all sorted out — loving parents, caring medical professionals, more trans adults who understand the risks and implications of transitioning. For me, it was always weird to seek help from professionals who did not have first hand experience with gender dysphoria.

2017, 2018, 2019 not a trace of face hair

well…maybe a trace here

So now we have a mini generation of Detransitioners on our hands. They will be able to teach us as much as those of us who are happy with transition. And if some of them even decide to Re-transition, that’s umm….fine with me. It could happen. It wouldn’t be ideal, but I’m ready for that too.

**************** 

Just wanted to close with some personal updates. I told you I had my first colonoscopy and there was some drama. I guess while I was under the anesthesia I inhaled some vomit. I don’t know how there was vomit in my stomach because I hadn’t eaten for 24 hours. All I can think is that I didn’t expel all the liquids I drank the day before the procedure. Everyone was telling me how empty and pure I would feel after pooping out the entire contents of my colon. But the morning of the procedure I still felt like a bloated fishbowl full of Gatorade and magnesium citrate.

So I woke from the anesthesia with my lungs full of fluid. I could barely breathe. They gave me an oxygen puffer til I had 100% oxygen flowing again. Then they sent me home, where I felt sick and coughed up big globs of green mucus for days. It took about a week before I felt normal again. So much for a “routine procedure.”

Also wanted to let you know that I’ve had so much fun doing this series that my New Year’s resolution is to do more blogging and art in 2022. I needed to take some time off from it but I’m ready to get at it again!

And finally, the happy old man in 2021

Coming next time, Part 5 of this series in which I’ll talk some more about The Autogynephiles!