The AUTOGYNEPHILES

 Hello Friends & Frenemies & Allies,

I’m here to talk about The Autogynephiles today. In case you missed the first part of this series, The Autogynephiles are heterosexual men who get sexually turned on by the notion of themselves as women. So much so, that they adopt the habit of dressing like women (ie, sexily) wearing make up, growing their hair if they can, getting on estrogen if they can, sometimes getting breast implants, but rarely inverting their penises into va-jayjays.

If you listen to too much TERF rhetoric, as I have over the past few weeks, you could really start to fear these horrible perverts, who are obviously out to invade women’s spaces, who are definitely trying to make women uncomfortable, who are most certainly rapists, and who are succeeding at rapidly erasing women and girls from the political gender spectrum. EGADS!!

Are you terrified yet?

Well, I’m not.

Jesus, the OG AGP

 

I have no doubt The Autogynephiles exist. But I don’t think they exist in the myriad numbers the TERFs would have us believe. And I do NOT think the term “autogynephile” is synonymous with “trans woman.” 

I want to say that I have nothing against anyone who is autogynephilic. Whatever sexual paraphilia is your jam, I respect that. Especially if you’re not directly involving me (or children) in said paraphilia. I also dislike calling autogynephilia a perversion or paraphilia, because I feel like it is probably a coping mechanism developed out of an abusive childhood, or early exposure to porn, or any form of intimacy issue with desired partners.

What I’ve gleaned from the TERFs is that there are only a few examples of autogynephiles who are among the criminal element. There was the case of Karen White, an autogynephile with a lengthy criminal history, who raped female inmates in the prison she was sent to. There was a case at an LA spa where a pre op trans woman got undressed in the women’s locker room, exposing her penis. (Yes I said HER penis). What a tizzy that caused!!

And then there was the story of Ute Hagen*, a well known academic, whose husband came out as an autogynephile and tried to pressure her into his kink. She gave into it for awhile but then decided it wasn’t for her. They went through a messy divorce. Their children were negatively affected by their father’s transformation. She calls herself a “trans widow” now. (This is sad, but it is not criminal).

There are a couple of strange autogynephilic Youtube personalities.  Jessica Yaniv comes to mind. She does things like booking an appointment at a ladies’ spa for a Brazilian wax, showing up with dick & balls intact, and saying “Wax me, or you’re a transphobe.”  Or trying to get lesbians to date her and calling them transphobes if they won’t. It all seems very youtube-y. Like not a fair representation of how an actual trans woman behaves in society. Yaniv has also called paramedics to help her out of the bathtub naked; she also claims that the estrogen she’s taking has caused her to start menstruating (through her penis, I guess?) I have heard many trans women lament that they don’t menstruate and can’t bear children, but never heard them claim their estrogen has magically caused this to happen.

So… while each of these stories carries an “Ewww” factor, I don’t see any evidence that they are characteristic of average trans women, even those with autogynephilia. For every autogynephile who is brash enough to undress at the women’s gym or bully lesbians, there are probably dozens who are quietly going about their days with their private lives private.

And I have to wonder what these TERFs are so damn afraid of? Would I feel threatened as a female if a pre op trans woman was changing next to me at the gym? No. I’m not a huge fan of the human meatsack in general — I’m equally affected by male and female nudity. Would I feel in danger of being raped? Not in a public locker room where other women were changing too. Rape happens in many places, but usually not in well lit, well populated locker rooms.

Would I have a problem if my partner of many years decided to transition? No. If they decided to transition and wanted me to do disagreeable things in the bedroom? That may be a deal breaker. But I was “a female” for many years, and that was pretty disagreeable in itself. I dated plenty of men (& women) who wanted me to do stuff I wasn’t overly comfortable with. But I was always willing to try stuff before I decided it was not on my erogenous radar. It would all depend on the level of respect my transitioned partner & I had for each other. If they suddenly showed disrespect for my already established boundaries that would be pretty disturbing.

As a feminist and former riot grrl, would I feel erased if more and more trans women were identifying as feminists and showing up at women’s rights rallies & such? I can’t imagine that I would feel erased. TERFs like to claim that trans women (autogynephiles, all of them) are trying to wrest feminism right out of women’s hands. I think because they request that cis women use the term cis**, or uterus haver, or some other neologism to differentiate themselves from trans women. Again, I see this as a matter of mutual respect —would I respect a mouthy, demanding trans diva who wants to come in and seize power over the room? Probably not! But I wouldn’t respect a mouthy, demanding cis diva who wanted to define everything for everyone either. It’s been a long time since I participated in any form of activism, but I imagine there are disrespectful trans divas out there as well as ones who understand their part in the feminist movement. I absolutely believe that trans women deserve to be included in feminist politics, even though they were born male. Shit, I believe trans men should be included in feminism. Cis men too! There can’t be too many feminists in my opinion. WTF, TERFs?

When I think of the average trans woman, it is not a monolithic image that comes to mind. I of course think of Jazz, and other super girly-girls like Samantha Lux and Kat Blaque and Maya Henry. But I also think of Jazz’s good friend, Noelle, who did not have the benefit of hormone blockers and is a soft-spoken jeans & T-shirts kind of girl. I think of Jennifer Finney Boylan who transitioned way before all the hype and is a professor somewhere. I think of current Jeopardy champion Amy Schneider. I think of high profile celebrities like Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner, and lesser known celebs like MJ Rodriguez and Indya Moore.  I think of former Navy SEAL Kristin Beck.  I’ll even give a shout out to the Wachowski sisters, though they are perhaps more on the eccentric side.

One thing you might wonder as you read this — where is all the controversy surrounding trans MEN?? So far there is very little controversy. Because trans men are absolutely no threat to cis men. It is assumed that a cis man will win over a trans man any day of the week — in sports, in business, in dating. When the day comes where trans men are seen as equal competitors in those areas, then there will be controversy. And it won’t be the cis men who get erased, it will be the trans men who get swept so far under the rug they may as well not exist.

Trans men are like “model minorities.” We know our place. I know I am not a cis man, who benefited from boyhood socialization and a male puberty. I am someone who watched from the sidelines and garnered as much second hand knowledge as possible, while reluctantly allowing girlhood socialization and female puberty to happen. Even under the influence of T, I am a softie, a sissy, an art fag. A threat to no one.

Is there a trans masculine equivalent of autogynephilia? No official psychological template has been created for such, as far as I know. But I imagine this phenomenon exists in some trans men — the idea of themselves as men is a real turn on. Certainly conceiving of myself as male is much more of a turn on than being female was. But is it the prime factor in my transition? No.

I’ve heard the term “autohomophilia” bandied about casually. This is described as a female-born person who prefers the company of gay men and may feel safer having sexual desires toward their gay friends than toward heterosexual men. We used to call them “fag hags” and I never would’ve conflated them with trans men. But what do I know?

There is one trans man who has been rocking the boat for many years and continues to do so — most recently pissing off the TERFs for advertising his pornographic toy business on the same Twitter account where he shares photos of his children. Yes, I’m talking about Tranpa himself, Buck Angel. Angel is controversial for many reasons, even within the trans community — he is a porn star; he goes back & forth on his stance about trans medicalism; he flip flops on a lot of things, but is always outspoken no matter what position he is taking in the moment. He kind of sees himself as the spokesperson for all trans masculine folks. He is a bit of a narcissist. But…he is still no threat to cis men.

I mentioned at the very start of this series that there was a rift in the LGB  TQ community, and it is happening between same-sex attracted people and people who identify as the opposite sex. If there IS any controversy about trans men, it is that butch lesbians are being medically transitioned at a faster rate than any other demographic. Many same-sex attracted females are medically transitioning, butch or not. This leaves lesbians feeling pretty erased/marginalized. And unlike cis-hetero TERFs, I feel like the lesbian TERFs have a valid concern. They are already a marginalized group and if their numbers dwindle they are even less visible. They feel therefore that the T should not be included with same-sex attracted LGB folks. A smaller faction of gay men feel this same way about effeminate males transitioning to female. It just reinforces the homophobia in our society.

So that’s all I will cover today. I want to wrap up this series in one or two more posts. I still have more to say about The Surgeries and I also want to share some more personal experiences with my transition and how I perceive myself as a trans man in a same-sex relationship. But I’m ready to get more artistic & creative for you all!

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I can’t let today go by without commenting on the anniversary of the Capitol Riots. I was feeling pretty horrific on my medication one year ago, but watching the Capitol get destroyed by angry white rednecks who truly believed the election was stolen took me out of my own horror for a few days. I couldn’t believe the mob mentality I was witnessing. Talk about myriad numbers (& no autogynephiles in sight). When I heard one attacker had been shot & killed, my first thought was ‘Why not more?’ My next thought was ’No, let these fuckers live to be tried & punished.’  In my heart I knew I was not in favor of massive police force. I was outraged when Trump finally went public & called those bloody terrorists ‘Very special people.’ As the riots wound down and they started fencing people in and apprehending them, I though ‘This is what a police state would look like.’ But I also panicked when so many rioters escaped. It was a no win situation between rioters & police. 

A year later we still have no confidence that this won’t happen again. The people who believe the election was stolen are still out there, and apparently still angry. Congress triumphed on Jan 6, 2021 and got their votes in by that evening. But congress can’t solve ignorance. Congress almost got whacked by ignorance. It would be nice if there was a dynamic, unifying contingent of leaders who could bridge this oceanic gap between us, the civilian warriors (aka average US citizens). But I don’t see that happening by 2024. The carnage that Trump unleashed with his years of hate speech (& lies!) won’t soon be washed from our streets & towns & institutions.

Also can’t believe it’s been 2 YEARS that we’ve all been living under threat of pandemic cooties! These are unnecessarily difficult times. Almost hopeless you could say. And yet I still manage to find joy and humor in unexpected ways. And I can see you all doing the same. We are as adaptable as viruses, you & I. I know all this infighting & dying will lead to a grand enlightenment of sorts. I just hope it happens before I’m too old, or dead.

It's snowing here. My cisgender slacks are moist.

* Correction: The Ute Hagen who is the modern day TERF is NOT the Uta Hagen I mentioned a few posts ago as having lectured at FSU when I was a student there. That was Uta Hagen the famous Broadway actress who died in 2004, and who would probably never have aligned herself with TERFdom. I knew it couldn’t have been the same person…. who knew Ute/Uta Hagen was such a popular name??

**A few years ago I wrote a blog called ‘I Hate the Word Cisgender Too’. Back then I did not know what ‘cis’ meant, and no one else did either. I have since learned that ‘cis’ means ‘on the same side of’ just as ‘trans’ means ‘on the other side of’. I still hate the word cisgender, but now that I know it actually has meaning I can tolerate it better.