February Vogon Overflow

Okay Friends—here’s what I’m gonna do. Every month I’ll post my stash of Vogon poetry. You in turn will be entertained to death. You’re welcome.

Here’s February’s

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In those days I was the

Ace of Wands

Stirring the air around the fire

I didn’t enjoy their company. Period.

So I stirred the pot

Reactionary slop

Once they started swimming

The earth turned to roux

Let the wheel fling mud around

Drive in 1st gear over jagged waves

Knifing your useless tires

Refugees spilling off the lips

Of continents like bits of Andoullie sausage…

Noodles for life rafts

They won’t make it from…

Scratch that

Scratch everything from the

Seafoam to the bloodstained shore

Let’s just make dessert

8 blades on the new mixer

Why 2 helicopters instead

Of one wand?

Separate the eggs

Jiggle their parts back & forth

In their busted hemispheres

How thin is the cranium

Under a red square hat

A government confection

Waiting to crack

0203:0500a  **************

Do I make sense in the dark?

In 2037 we’ll be at war from Space

Same war, different theatre

From now until Jerusalem

Is moved to Oklahoma’s

Holy panhandle & the embassy to

The stovepipe of Texas

Usher in a new era of mindless

Sports fans & numb country stars

Cradling A-Ks & corpses

Moving Bethlehem to every

Golden uterus

0203:0500a  **********************

The mind is an amazing acrobat

Electric to the audience

Its infinite optic nerve

Meets on the trapeze with 

—Gasp—

Another infinite optic nerve

They clasp-coalesce

For a first date

Where do they go?

To the internet for more infinity.

0203:0525a  *******************

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What do you want a parade for? George Monkey Bush wanted us to go shopping,

Remember? Get away from the television & visit your local mall. The post 9-11 credo

That spawned our decade of excess — bags! shoes! doggies! surgery! reality!

Houses floating from coast to coast! Cavemen, embryos, octuplets,

The central male news anchor flanked by subordinate concubines!

Super hero franchises, selling your soul, HAVING IT ALL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(and I mean each & every one of those exclamation points ^^^)

Now that it’s 2018 I can’t wait to psychoanalyze the ‘00s

That fragile eggshell decade that turned us into Romans &

Ended in white collar collapse

Now this puddle of gumbo we call pre-Zident wants to throw a parade

To distract us from xyZ

A yuuuuge tremendous parade that stomps the sparks

From America’s carpet first then worms

Through Mexico ruining Maya, mashing the Ayahuasca forests

To green jelly, clearing the Antarctic arc & skidding blue-lipped

Off the earth’s bottom shelf;

A ferry to Tasmania, not shaven from the map, into Oz, no backing out

Island hopping over Micro-Macro-Indo-Hypo-Crypto-nesia

Don’t stop. Singapore. China {{{China China China}}}

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (a few more of these!)

Left, right, hup, hut, left, left sudden west to Pakistan—

—Arabian penis — African child-pirate clit-less tiny-holed rape-coast

Thru cannibal jungles (now that’s a deep state)

Worming, bugging, giraffing in circles, lionized, tigerfed, elephantine

Back up the ebony-moonlit-oyster-grey-then-ivory coast on up

Through the unrest to Iberia, drunken procession thru vineyards & Chunnel

& onto the fjords, impaled on the spires of Belarus

Beholding more purple mountains peopled by blood-lust

Down to their Italian boots

Zigging bird-like, marching murmuration thru the Ukrainian

Crime scene & across the Russian behemoth of unfunny ridiculous

Time zone proportion

To mega-disciplined Upper Korean peninsula/mystery

(how much mystery left in the world?)

Thru the demilitarized Olympic zone

Blast thru Tokyo like such an eyesore, such an anachronism

Youth culture returns home to stuff, wild parent animus,

Conditional emoji

Then jetlag up the ramp of ice that Sarah saw by northern light

Tread soft across Canada

March one tuba at a time across a wire

Over Niagara & land squarely back in Washington (deleted scene)

All predators X’d out & replaced by new guardians

Programmed not to look away, or buy the best blinders

Money can buy 

The country music scare of post 9-11 America?

I thought I wouldn’t survive hair metal or white suburban rap

Bring it back. Take it back. Give it back.

0208:0375a

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Oral hijinx

Pick @ your knees through skin-colored jeans

My microcosm was full of Easter eggs

I had to find before proceeding to Level 3

And while I looked hi & lo

You all giggled & snickered & clucked your hen tongues

Together in a vicious pointed kiss

0213:0350a***********

SWAN FLU

Now afraid to do the things I once was proud to do

You get old & can’t unknow things

Can’t shake them away w/ songs & words anymore

It’s all stuck like a memo—do not REPEAT

Do mental pincers ever lose their rigor mortis?

It won’t unhappen w/out dementia, which I seem to have

Contracted (from using de mens room?) <<< i feel like I must 

point out that this is a joke ( a pun even) ^^^

Pleasure leaves a bruise; check your fruit

Where’s his cancery heart attack?

It’s waiting like winter to come—a ‘sexy’ subject

Said the Prez

I will deport you to the Church of your Choice

Amnesty—haha it’s a great thing isn’t it — 

A real estate dedicated to God

Can house the last tax free supper for a

Mexican rapist/father wearing the stripes of a 3rd grader

Skinny, handsome, sweaty w/

Response & abilities

The strength of a bear

To pull these stainless steel weeds — this is a lone phrase

On the prairie page

Dance w/ a devil, 2 gophers and 7 self-proclaimed world

Leaders & poets laureate along I-10

My Arizona friend

Friend?

Image gallery.

Broken phrases at the rest stop

Numbers beyond 0s & 1s for human contact

Or non-laureate poetry left dangling

From its transmitter

I know I’m worth more wattage & better

Than taupe walls & no toilet paper

In reach

Whatever you need to tell me

Beneath cupped conspiratorial angel wings/singholes

Whisper it under the stall  Don’t be a perv

About it

How far will Starman go

Before alien magnets go in for a hug?

Crane-like atoms stack themselves into

Primrose bridges

There’s very little he can do to stop 

The curious buggers from Godding him, then

Looking for his eggshell bits &

Wondering who his mother is?

Crude error; real deception

Feline collusion;

Canine intrusion

Internet nipples banned

Also harsh truth & boundaries

Between body & imagination

You can be any 3 coordinates on the gender/race/wildcard axis

0213:0350a

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Fascinated by trees lately

Or should I say more fascinated by trees than ever

Always loved the things but knew

To pursue it would be ignorant,

Unrequited

Though at each tree’s fingertip

Grows a Valentine

I dared not compete

With landscapers, photographers

Scrape-kneed children valued outside their Xtian homes

I won’t even mention squirrels

Because you’ll think I’m changing the subject

The sexy subject

Seeing lights on @ the Capitol

Up late affixing riders

To a suite of bills

Candy instead of meat 

For their snapping jaws

Cinnamon-only Jelly Belly

PayDay, designer gums

Let’s regulate the toxic handshakes

That expand once they let go

Toxic building blocks 

Sprouting limbs unsure

Which sun they’re trying to reach

I’ve slept w/ trees (or in them)

No hammock between us

So it’s only natural

I protest this toxic environment

We can’t have big washed & manicured hands

Protecting our fairy rings

0214:0350a*************************

SOMETHING WV SHORT BY LONG-WINDED VW

What do trees have to do

With governments or candy?

Corruption and innocence spectrum,

Where do you lie?

On the distal tips of the limbspan

(she would never say that)

They have branches & flavors

But no taste in all those buds

0214:0350a

*********************************

I can feel

I was not

Designed

To last 

50 years

My spark plugs! 

My motherboards!

My renaissance happened

My decline at a

Waterfall’s pace

I can’t wait to die

In 

Out 

To 

Beyond

Space

0214:0350a

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We’ve become so unpalatable to each other

W/ our recent demands

That we see each other as human

Russian dolls v. Russian trolls

All those brilliant words I lost

Between sheets,

Blown out the window of my head

The music Mozart failed to deliver

Try Rimsky-Korsakov instead

His biggest hits are the Rasputinite rhapsodies 1–9

Plus the Firing Squad Suite

Where the heroine drowns in an igloo

Whose climate changed

I am we and we are you and you are all

Together

While I am here alone with someone’s

Egg, man

Sorry

Interrupted by Risk

Whose national anthem will win?

Unscrew their heads to find

Their dossiers

Then knock on wood

W/ each knuckle

Bloody & fingerless

The rent is paid.

0220:0350a

****************************

Your sons — I’ll call them

Hamburglar & Grimmis— have dossiers

Fingerprints the size of a LARGE PRINT

Edition of the People’s History for Libtards

Who want to cry about everything

Your ex , Hillary

Is not crooked

But cancerous

A vigilante

A ninja in an

Ivory pantsuit

0220:0350a

**************************

Mozart died hating

Life & depleted of the

Keyboard courage—

No, that was Beethoven!

Mozart died telling fart jokes

He died a master scatologist

And he should’ve been a drummer

0220:0350a

****************************

Certain words make the brain light up

The brightest word tonite is: DIPLOMAT

*****************************

Easterquake non-yonder for

Whosoever the hell the bell tolls

I can damage my reputation 

Then rebuild it as the crooked birdhouse

That bit off a finger in shop class

Still blood-sprayed, but you love it!

It’s the tough facade you always wanted!

Establishing algorithms in the air

Between us

Test driving reckless hormones

Rocket masculinity v.

Designated fairy ring

I still exist on the spectrum

But not the one you’re thinking

The dumpster behind Sherwin-Williams

Held out color samples

Like finger bones in various states of decay

Mass grave of color, 

Eruption of shades & tints

Unbearable to eyes on treeless 

Godless

Senseless

Prairies

Lava clock

Vomit from a nipple

Bypass insular peninsula &

Move through the hour glass

Like a stealthy second hand

When does life return from commercial break?

I’ve been waiting since 1984…

0221:0525a

*********

Can’t you undo what

You didn’t do to begin with?

Dig deep into your oceans

Of fabric, skin, goo

See

The dangling

Luminescent eye of your good intentions

But no widening pupil

0221:0525a

**********

You won’t work at your shitty job forever

Your relationship will end

Your cat will die

But one thing is certain…

Your depression will persist

It will deepen

It will move from your prime

Electric panel

Down the tiny wires that string

Your spine

It’ll make your girlish hips ache

Even though youre a man

It’ll wake the thermal coils

In your fingertips when you try to write about it,

Especially when you say bad things about it

It’ll zap your hackles, thump your pericardium 

It’ll say Why all the bad press, Holmes?

Am I not the one who drew the map & put you

On it?

I say it’s time to pay the cartographer

0224:1100a

*********

Always the character who needs work

Never the one who’s so far ahead

They die @ 25

[Poor

Jenny Schecter

She just wears that she’s so damaged...

Hasn’t found that metaphormula

Needed to dream or astral project it away…]

I’m standing here on the page

And you’re hurling parsley & pumpkins &

Root vegetables & prime numbers

I’m dropping the mic, 

Hurling my heart & squirting defensive ink

From my array of radio towers, sucker-punching the silence

Iambic tentacle circling your throat in Sharpie

Sharp elastic digging skin

Bandy Bandito

Bandolero Burro

Bad hombre

Your necktie is bleeding

All the way down the border…

0224:1250p

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Hey you still with me?? Remember to get your submissions in before the 31st. As always, art submissions are lagging behind poetry but I still need plenty of both!