Social Experiment & Feline Poetry

HI FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to SHOUT but I'm excited to be here,

Blogging away pretentiously about my sloth-like transition.

The Moonchild & I went on a little excursion to the East coast last week

And since it was a new place/alien space

I decided to really see how andro I could be

Sometimes it's hard for me in my home town because everyone knows I'm

"really a lady" 

It's hard to suddenly embody a more masculine persona

Shit, I've tried all my life NOT to be too masculine

And I have perfected so much WASPy feminine daintiness, it's

Downright embarassing… & even when I'm hunched up in layers of T-shirts and flannel 

I get called "Miss! Miss!…Ma'am!!"

So…on this East coast adventure I wanted to see if I could avoid being called

'Miss' or 'Ma'am' … basically I just wanted to see

If I could 'pass' even without being on T(extoxterone).

I dressed accordingly (as a grown up dude on a casual business trip)

I wore my binder

I repressed all my encoded feminine attributes (the giggling, squeeing, hand-gesturing)

I tried to keep my posture as tall and confident as I could

I refrained from using public restrooms

And I spoke in my lower registers when I had to talk to strangers….AND

I did not get called 'Miss' or 'Ma'am' once!!!!

We mostly got called 'You guys'

I was surprised at how happy that made me--all my life being misgendered or being told

I'd be a lot prettier if I smiled, or wore nicer clothes, or acted more lady-like

'Miss!!!! Misss!!!! Ma'am!!!!' Every time i heard those words I wanted to strangle someone,

But instead I just kept silent & then got drunk.

It was so nice to be called 'You guys' everywhere we went

I wanted to squee & giggle & do little dances with my hands

(And when I'm more secure in my masculinity, I will squee & giggle as much as I want

For now, I'm adjusting my settings that have been so badly tweaked for so many years…

SOooooo….many….yearrrrrrrssss……

Overcompensating a little to find that androgynous middle ground I want to stake out

And inhabit like a hobbit)

I was thrilled, ELATED, at how well my social experiment went. 

I read a lot of blogs about transitioning (both ways) and I know a lot of trans guys still

Get called "she" and "Miss" even after they've started T.

And I know a lot of trans girls still get called "dude in a dress"

And I know how that chips away at one's soul and drives one to drink or do other stuff

(Like stay at home all the time)

I'm feeling much better about dropping back into society these days,

But I know things will not always go well…I'm ready for that…I've made it this far…

********NOW…here is a video of me & my cat reading some poetry together. And when I'm on camera I revert right back to being so FEMME, I want to punch myself in the face! Enjoy…

https://youtu.be/2LLFZVdL1Q4