HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS:
How are you? I am fine.
Well, I’ve been meaning to stop in here and make some profound statements about how transformed I am by the madness that was 2017. How scared I was at this time last year, and how much stronger I feel now.
So, YES, I am transformed, but I can’t even begin to put it into words. Yet. (I know—some writer I am).
When I say I almost did not survive 2017 I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. Someday I may tell that story, but I’m not ready to visit it yet. Let’s just say that nothing went as expected—on both the microscopic & macroscopic levels. The Trump presidency didn’t play out in quite the technicolor splendor I had envisioned, but it was bad enough to ruin each & every day in some fashion. I’ve never called/written more Senators in my life. In the past I’ve voted, protested, spraypainted, boycotted, zined, blogged and otherwise stood up to the Powers in a creative, independent way. But there was no room to be creative or subtle in standing up to the Trump admin’s BS. I’m not one who likes such a direct, pragmatic approach but… I got some practice doing it this year.
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| The Obligatory Portrait of Alters 2017 |
As for my own personal goals in ’17? None of them worked out quite the way I envisioned either—
Publishing? After a streak of good luck in ’15-’16 I got zero (0) submissions published in ’17. I had a manuscript shortlisted at two (2) small presses all summer but, days apart in Oct, they both sent rejections. Then all the single submissions I sent out in defiance of that were rejected too. So I spent the whole holiday break revising my idea of what kind of writer I want to be. Do I want to be a famous internet poet? There are already a lot of those (who are admittedly more exciting than me).
I’ve decided I’m going to go back to automatic writing for awhile. I really feel the need for it. I know it’s not a respectable form of WRITING, but it’s what I do. And I’m considering ditching poetry for fiction. And POSSIBLY returning to my old screenplay (which I’ll remind you of later. Though I did just read of an alleged ‘L Word’ reboot in the works. Why all the reboots?)
Anyway, one amazing terrific thing that happened on the publishing front—that I had no idea would happen at the beginning of ’17 —was that The Octopus went indie! I was so inspired by the contemporary poetry scene I found online and wanted to become more a part of it. So I sent out a call for submissions, thinking I would be ignored & overlooked (as usual :)) but NO!! I got so much response from such a great group of people. I was stoked to share the words & images of so many talented people right here in my humble slice of the internet.
You all can look forward to the Winter issue of The Octopus Review coming out any day now—just waiting for those artist submissions to straggle in!
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| One of the best things that happened in '17? A bunny showed up on our doorstep & lived w/ us for a few days (until s/he went to live w/ our friends who are bunny experts) |
Another thing I planned for at the beginning of ’17 was to do a run (either a 1K or 5K) by the end of the year. My mom & I were training in Jan & Feb, then in Mar I broke my foot and couldn’t run for 12 weeks. So that kinda broke my momentum, and I never quite regained it. We’ll see if I ever find it again, but so far I have no plans to do a run this year.
At the start of ’17 I was pretty depressed because I’d been on T(estosterone) for a year and was still not passing AT ALL. In fact I was getting called ‘ma’am’ more than ever (probably because I look really old now). I was seriously doubting my ability, and my very right, to be doing a transition like this. I know that sounds transphobic, but all my doubts & fears are about MY transition, not yours.
Because I was so discouraged, Moonchild & I decided to do a dining out venture where I could experiment with my appearance & presentation and find out what was working & what wasn’t. I work at home and don’t get out around people much, so I was a bit clueless about how to present “masculinely.” I spent so much effort “feminizing” myself in my 30s, so it’s kinda like knocking over a jenga tower and rebuilding.
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| We had a hurricane |
When we started our dining adventures, I got ma’amed no matter what I wore or how my hair was styled. It was demoralizing but I knew I needed the honest feedback. About 3 months in, I started getting gendered correctly some of the time (not quite half). It was like that for a few more months, but finally at the end of ’17 I started getting called “him” or “gentleman” or “sir” everywhere I went. I walked into the shoe store the other day & the woman at the counter said “Welcome to Acme Shoes, sir.” I don’t think it’s my fundamental physical appearance that’s changed so much as I’ve learned how to carry myself & dress more guyishly.
[And just as an aside—why does “ma’am” seem like a veiled insult (no matter your gender identity) while “sir” seems like a title of respect?]
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| Eloise died... |
WHAT ELSE? What else went on in ’17? Oh yeah — Adventures in Ethereality
I had a big crisis of faith this year. That was no secret. I wrote all about it & bored the shit out of you and made you think I was even crazier than I really am. But the fun thing about spiritual crises is that you grow from them. Like a gorgeous tulip, my spiritual awareness has bloomed again after being dormant for quite awhile.
I always thought of myself as a spiritual person, even when I wasn’t actively pursuing or practicing anything spiritual. I had a wake up call regarding this assumption—beginning with a tree limb that almost fell on my head, and ending with me coming out as a mystic. (are mystics even more hated than trans people? Well, mystics are FEARED, trans people are HATED. Does this mean I’m intersectional now?)
I am still offering FREE TAROT READINGS for this year, or until I feel I am worthy of the going mystic rate. I’ve done exactly one (1) reading since I made that offer and I think it went pretty well. This is another thing I hadn’t planned on for ’17. I had no mystical ambitions in Jan, but I had one of those subconscious breakthroughs with The Cards, where you achieve a next level of understanding through dreaming about something.
So please hit me up if you want a reading. Don’t be AFRAID. I know I said in my last blog that I may be able to do this over the technology (Skype, phone) but I really prefer to do it in person.
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| I did the first episode of Shelter Cat & Trust Fund Baby. I should reprint it & then do the next one! |
*******************SO?????????****************************
What’s up for ’18????????
I really don’t know. I’m hesitant to have too many predetermined goals. Still gunshy from last year. In fact, 2014 —17 have been so busy, noisy & exciting, I would be thrilled if ’18 is BORING AS FUCK!
When I was writing the Distressica Prequel, I found an Adventure in Reality I started in early ’17 about Trump & Putin trading shit to destroy the world with. I abandoned it about 3/4 of the way through because it seemed too dumb & juvenile for the current situation. But I think I’ll revisit it, and do some art to go with it.
[I did a lot of “art therapy” in ’17. I anticipate more to come in ’18.]
Okay, I know my life is boring as shit & I have no right to bore the crap out of you —oh wait—I DO have the right to bore the crap out of you HERE in The Octopus Diary!!! You have the right not to read. And please don’t “hate read.” That’s so 2013. When I do my end-of-year blogs I always feel like that relative who sends out the Xmas Newsletter—detailing what their family has been up to all year!!—and everyone groans & makes fun, but I secretly love the newsletter & wish we were all required to do a sort of year-end life-report and send it out to our respective social circles.
(laughter. laughter. snort. laughs)
All right. No matter what’s going on in the macro, I hope everyone’s micro is just scopacetic.
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