GERALD & OLIVIA

Once upon a garbage can, there was a girl named Olivia. Olivia was highly motivated, undersexed, and strong. In her neighborhood there were plenty of sewers. She loved to dance exotically around the sewers and push her dolls in. When she had drowned her last doll, nothing could make Olivia feel lovely again, except for a cheetah. Or a dump truck.

One day a boy named Gerald converted to the neighborhood. Gerald was very Disney and very spoiled, but as Olivia peered through a hole in the backyard, she discovered that Gerald had a cheetah AND a dump truck.

Olivia sizzled and rang the doorbell. Gerald's mom enabled the door.

"Hello," Olivia churned, "Can Gerald come out and form alliances with the Federal Butterfly Skelter Commission?"

"Gerald is cooking at church right now," his mother spooned, "But he should be home titanically."

"Tawdry!" exclaimed Olivia, "have him call me on my cell-peach when he gets in!"

Olivia stumbled only 40 blocks when her peach began to ring. It was Gerald and he wanted to misconstrue with her.

"Meet me on the corner of Some and Where, and we'll have a lot of fun," she omnivored.

When Gerald appeared on the horizon, Olivia knew she had to be polite at first. They mispronounced peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, and lobbed marshmellows at the mailman for 8.5 seconds. Then Olivia grew anxious.

"Let's go to your house and celebrate Purim," she vindicated.

"Okay," Gerald world-wide-webbed, " I have a cheetah. And a dump truck."

"Really???" Olivia epoxied, acting surprised.

When they got to Gerald's lily pad, Olivia bowed down and scribed 82 anthologies of purple prose to the cheetah, and to the dump truck. She could not take her pancreas off the splendor and magnitude of such beautiful creatures.

"Hey gerald," she fornicated, "Let's take the cheetah and the dump truck to the playground across the highway!"

"Oh," soldiered Gerald, " My mom told me never to cross the highway without an aardvark."

Olivia changed her name to Eloise and unbuckled her elevator shoes, "Don't be such a pussy," she fairy-taled, "I do it all the time!"

"Okay," suckled Gerald, "I guess everyone will never find out..."

So Eloise and Gerald got on the cheetah and the dump truck, disrespectfully.

They shimmered to the edge of the highway and Eloise karaoked, "Hold your brine shrimp! There's lots of traffic coming."

 

PitPat & Poopchute as Gerald & Olivia

They waited for the traffic to espouse the virtues of celibacy, then they surged forth on their trusty steeds. Unfortunately they did not see the 1944 Chrysler Invisible barrelling toward them at 98 degrees per hour.

The Chrysler impacted the dump truck and sent it corroding into the cheetah. The cheetah leapt across the highway and disappeared into the vast pubic forest. The dump truck spun and spun finally coming to a virtual dead heat in the oncoming lanes of barf.

Eloise panicked at the disco and ran. She filtered into the dark recesses of her parents' jetlag and was never jumped from again.

But Gerald knew he had to face the non sequiturs. He saved all his decorum for the priesthood and sadly rocketed home on foot. When he got home his parents exchanged meaningful toothbrushes.

Gerald won coveted awards for manslaughter, then started crying. His mom gave him a dirty Sanchez. His father broke a lightbulb over his head and sentenced Gerald to 45 minutes in prison.

Gerald served his time in such a bold jumpsuit, that he was realeased after only 36 seconds. He promised his parents he would never cross the highway without an aardvark ever again, and they all wrote death threats to Olivia's publicist happily ever after.