Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

Saturday, June 25, 2022

AS THE ROVER SAYS: WADE THRU IT

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOONCHILD!!!!


This blog is for you, including the cartoon. 


Did you know your birthday is on LEON? Which is the opposite of XMAS (aka NOEL).


HAPPY LEON!!! The angles did sing!


You were 40 when I met you (which was old enough) but now you are 65 — a very significant age.  This means we have enjoyed many years together. Many, many years! Holy shit! 


LEON was always a difficult time before I met you, but sharing birthday adventures with you has made those memories pale like an Indian ale in the Floridian veil of humidity (< beautiful poetry)





Remember our first birthday adventure in the embalming room?

You were such a trooper 

until i whipped out the trocar… I found you on the fainting couch

later…


Other birthday adventures have included live music, 


dead air, drunken tour busses & sober stay-cations


Angel wings singed onto scapulae by microwaved rocks


Crab-legged bacchanalia 


Saturnine tantrums that left no hallmark ,  just bitemarks on the cigar box


Followed by cop cars to bring you bags of Substance D


(followed by cops to bring the big D)





Speaking of poetry…


I don’t know if I ever gave you this poem I wrote about you & your unusual relationship with phonetics, but here it is —


**********************************************************************


Your Unspelling


      Is part of your charm


As a writer, you’d think I’d find it abhorrent


A dealbreaker! [w/ a single totalitarian mark]


       But no, you’ve been a source

                       of inspiration


                             &


                         revelation


Happy accidents            tapped out


                    by alien hooves


                               covered in paint


The moment the helicopter              chooses to hover


I see the brilliance   in your refusal      to acknowledge


                    the insane vowels of country Deutsch


followed by the detrimental silences

                                                in English 


                              Of all the things         I love you for


                                              this is number 3

*************************************************************************************








All right… it has been a joy to be blessed by your Moonchildishness for so many years! I love you! Let’s eat cake!


Saturday, April 16, 2022

Dare To Dot (Quintillism, yo)

 HEY FRIENDS,


Have an iceberg.


It is the last in my experimental installment of ice portraits.


What I’ve learned is, it is hard for me to tone down my tendency


to enliven the page with color, to saturate


the world with dots densely…. to create these sublime, borealis-type


colors w/out spoiling the white space…  that was indeed the challenge…


and I didn’t seem to meet it 100 per%cent,


but I am better informed than I was before… so i am pleased anyway.


Hi. There. Friends. I know I promised — at New Year’s star-like apex —


that I would post at least one blog-per-month for your feasting, drooling


eyes,


but, , , , , l ,   I…. I…may not be able to deliver on that. I’ll try still. But


but but but but


you know…  I may have to take a mental health month once in awhile,


such as May 2022. When I return, it will be with dots of my


quintuplet family, whose last name I’ve decided is Khan-Dare (yes,


a hyphenate) and upon seeing it typed, looks so much like Kardashian, 


it makes me sad


on a sadderday…no less)





Okay…what else is new? Spring here in the Middle-West United-States


is progressing as mother nature intended…with little white blossoms


giving way to green stumps, which twist into


real leaves as if branches are the original 3D printer we all wish we owned…


W/ bull dozers razing the public library & instead of an ice skating rink


constructing a tacky apartment so unlike a toy village it makes me 


insane the day before Easter…


no bunnies in the yard yet, but BUT… BIRDS in the laundry hose!!!


BIRDS, clogging our dryer with twiglets & egglets & wing tips & goo


We cleaned their kindling kindly & no one died, though someone


may have been orphaned…I don’t know yet…


I hope the resurrection brings you shade & by that


I do not mean


the snidery of frenemies, but the cool relief 


of the pill after days on the cross (made by Stryker), by the 


spritz of consciousness when you faint on the 


eroticon dance floor, & no one bids on your body


at auction…  I will come out as an autoandrophile


when the rabbit leaves…


iceberg lettuce…


pray.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

AKATHISIA (aka torture)

 Dear Friends on the Internet & In Real Life,


From Dec 2020 to Mar 2021 I had akathisia. What is akathisia you ask? Well, I’ll tell you — it’s something that I don’t wish on anyone, even Marjorie Taylor Green. 


But what is it? Well I’ll tell you…it’s nothing good. It is hypothesized to have been the cause of David Foster Wallace’s suicide when he quit taking anti-depressants after 20 years. It is also wildly speculated to have played a part in the Sandy Hook shooting, as Adam Lanza was prescribed an anti-depressant that he only took sporadically (ie, not as prescribed.) It is also well documented that Bruce Springsteen and my youtube nemesis Dr Jordan Peterson experienced akathisia after taking/quitting prescribed medication.*


*the main cause of akathisia is taking Abilify (a drug prescribed for Tourette’s, schizophrenia and sometimes depression). The second main cause of akathisia is withdrawing from benzodiazapines (Xanax, Klonopin,etc…). The other main cause is being on any SSRI or anti-psychotic or anti-nausea medication.


You can look all this stuff up on the Internet. The Internet will tell you all sorts of awful things about akathisia, but what it won’t tell you is how awful it really is. There is no way of describing it, but I will try…in a minute. First though, I wrote this semi automatic poem about it & I’d appreciate if you read it — 





You left to solve a celtic cable knot 

So I felt around for ghosts in my suitcase,

Not having dragged them from Florida

But acquiring them upon arrival


Already striking cords in my

Backpack’s secret chambers, already

Papering the attic with their cut-out voices


I tune into one host w/ a tremorous

                                     androgynous

                                             tone


I ask it to tell me

The story of akathisia &


It gives me the director’s cut,

                     the 3D version

                        the prequel 

                  and the score all@once


It turns out our nerves are twined of

           finest lavender silk strands

It turns out they have worms of their own


Microscopic,

          dangerous, like the virus

              but worse? Maybe?


Capable of embedding

  glassy fibers in our greyest zones,

Capable of wielding bigger shards & burning

    the homes of butterflies



Then came 

           the holding onto doorframes & crying for angels —

              who are not people, and not as busy as God—

                 to end my recurring

                   1st day of school 


The trust in chemicals, mine & others,

           mined & othered, mind &

                       authored

        out of pure desperation to 

return to chapter one & rewrite & edit & rewrite

                       & edit


I moaned & groaned like these new

Indiana ghosts as my maggoty core was chewed


Silk worms gone wild w/ their art bombs in my legs

My map redrawn in hard-to-read lilac


Every mistake a returned message

From life’s analog-to-digital delivery systems,


Long decades of unpaid postage

Against a century of political outrage


Long hot miles to Main Street

But that’s where you & I agreed to meet


7-28-21


Thank you. 



Akathisia for me started out as terrifying & invasive thoughts racing through my mind at inappropriate times (ie, when life was going just fine) I thought I was just “being negative” or a worry-wort or a Virgo. But when I say terrifying & invasive, I mean way beyond normal human worries.  About a month after that, some physical symptoms began — I couldn’t sit still, I felt like “jumping out of my skin” , like I had drunk 8 cups of coffee when I hadn’t even drunk one, like someone was pointing a gun at my head, like the butterflies in my stomach had invaded my shoulders & hips & vertebrae…and the only solution was to keep moving. Changing positions. Rocking back & forth. Rubbing hands together. Pacing. Vocalizing sadly. Walking. Running. Cleaning the shower with a toothbrush.


By the third month I was really just looking for a way to end it. I couldn’t bear to be tortured by my own nervous system any longer. I was mentally attenuated by the terrifying thoughts. And I constantly felt like I was about to start crying, yet I was unable to. That is a surprisingly uncomfortable feeling when it happens all day, every day.


Despite the severity of my symptoms, I still regarded it as only an episode of severe depression/anxiety. I never thought it could be the Abilify I had started taking in the Fall of ’20. I had never even heard of akathisia (shocking — i thought I knew EVerything). Tony was pretty scared & kept saying “I feel like I should take you to the hospital.”


And maybe he should have. It took my doctor about 3 months to figure out what was going on. And as soon as I stopped taking the Abilify I felt “normal” again.


Those long lists of side effects they reel off in pharmaceutical commercials are no joke. “Restless leg syndrome” can be more unpleasant than it sounds. And “suicidal ideation” can be overwhelming. If you are on any medication and something changes drastically w/ your mood/health, always make sure it’s not the medication causing your symptoms.


After my experience, I scoured the internet for more info on akathisia and found it lurking in the bios of more people than I expected. The overall consensus is that it is unbelievably horrible. At least if I ever have it again, I’ll know what I’m dealing with and be able to get help quicker.


And hopefully this terrific blog is shedding light on something that isn’t well-known but is happening more & more often now that practically everyone is on some kind of prescribed meds. Have any of you experienced the kind of symptoms I described after taking a prescribed medication? Let me know. 


Here’s some further reading you can do on the subject

https://www.akathisia.life/drugs-that-cause-akathisia

Thursday, April 4, 2019

OCTOPUS REVIEW #7

Hey y’all!! It’s finally here!

The long-awaited Octopus Review #7! 

As always it is jam packed with words that will slice your soul (in a good way) and stunning images that will slice your eyeballs (also a good way!)

I’m so excited to have this ready a little early. Last month’s mercury in retrograde was a monster (& I don’t usually put much stock in the backslidings of minor planets). 

Before you scroll onto this magnificent issue, I just want to let you know I’ll be doing one more of these here on blogspot.  This has been such a fun project I want to continue doing it in a different space. I’m taking my blog —The Octopus Diary — in another direction and I want to give the Octopus Review its own platform. Where that platform will be? I don’t know yet.

I am gathering submissions for issue #8 already & though I don’t usually subscribe to “themes’ I’m going to make the last one about The Arts. And octopusses, of course.

Now….   ENJOY the Octopus Review #7!!!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Breadcrumbs

Her mother ill with cancer, my dentist,
my friend, drills a hole into her heart
to release the grief, bonds her spine
to hold up against the fatigue
from taking her mother daily to visit
the dragon machine that fires at the spawn
left by that stinking beast slinking
its way through her body.

My own mother's death came like
a thief, blindfolding me, whispering
that she would survive her heart
suddenly gone wrong, would chase
away the hovering dark clouds, but
the rain filled her lungs, drowning 
her in ten days. My hands, warm
on her cooling, left my imprint, marking 
her with memories.

My dentist stands now in my shoes.
Hope mixed with fear.
Oil and water sloshing about in a barrel.

If a dinosaur's tail can be preserved
in amber for billions of years perhaps
we'll see our mothers again, glowing
in a fossil bed where those who are lost
gather to sing songs as breadcrumbs
to guide the ones left behind.

                                      — Pris Campbell

Photo by Chandra Alderman




Ruminations On My Previous Death

In that stanza before the coda,
that last homage to the symphony,
with no time to redo mistakes, 
I write my suicide note
and head out for my finale
by boat, note on my bed,
loaded gun for the sinking.

Through the brooding water
parted by the search boat,
I see your face elongate, 
pale to a rippling sheet
in your search for traces of me 
among unraveled rope splices,
boat parts and shifting sea glass.

Seaweed webs through my hair.
Fish bend to pray at my glowing hem.

Breaking away from your latest infidelity,
as always, you long for what you can’t have -
me, with my legs wrapped around your waist again,
turned now into a lost Orpheliac lover 
more suitable for finned playmates of the deep.

In a brief flash of regret, plus lust,
I drift up through the fathoms, 
press ectoplasmic lips to your warm ones, 
drawing you down with me
until Sirens circle to bear me  
where not even you can go.

                                          — Pris Campbell


"Unfurling" Acrylic/oil pastel on illustration board by John Nelson


………………………………………………………………………..………………………………………………….

The last poem

of mine
my wife
read was
about PTSD
and pain
I wrote
about feeling
like I
was drowning
and dragging
her and
the kids
down with
me

she wrapped
her arms
around my
neck and
kissed me
tenderly
on my
head and
said you
always
forget how
well I
swim.

      — Matt Borczon


Photo by Chandra Alderman



To my new VA psychiatrist

If
you
had
400
horses
and
I
took
400
pills
could
we
put
400
ghosts
on
their
white
backs
slap
their
flanks
and
watch
them
run
into
the
distance
skeleton
fingers
wrapped
in
thick
manes

we
could
watch
without
rubbing
the
dust
off
our
skin
or
out
of
our

eyes.

     — Matt Borczon



Photo by Chandra Alderman


………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….


You And I

I shoot from the hip --
my tongue unwavering, direct.
Your words circle, left of center,
obfuscating
complicating --
chilly truth undressed.
                                —Barbara Moore

                                                   

                                           Boom 
                                   
                                   My throat constricts. 
                                   Irregular gasping
                                   overworks my heart 
                                   rashly pummeled --
                                   well on its way 
                                   to detonating.
                                   I’ve been cautioned 
                                   not to voice 
                                   my hyperbolic 
                                   take on things.
                                                   — Barbara Moore

"Asteria" by John Nelson (collab w/ Leonard Maffet)



   
         Quick Studies

  We learn from pain. One size fits all.
  Fastball connects without warning.
  Pain is like that. We suck it up.
  We learn without tutorials.
                                      — Barbara Moore



"Tentacular Splatter" by Juliet Cook



……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I Danced with Death
(for Meadow Pollack, age 18)

I  
In Her Voice

Death is not what you think it is.  The human spirit does not end with death.  
I am alone now, that is all that I can see. I am just a shadow now, that’s all that I can be. 
Caught in the cold absence of anything alive, while noticing that I can only see through memory’s¬¬¬¬¬¬eyes; backward is my only view, my memory’s all that’s left of me.

¬¬¬¬¬I’m shot!  I’m jolted upward, feeling tangled and alone, and I remain suspended there, when everybody’s gone.  Everything went black and then a light returned again, and everything feels different now, my wounds no longer burn.

No one can here can see me now, a lifeless marionette, engulfed in senseless violence when the terror finally ends.
Bullets flying furiously, they sound like violins, plucking pizzicatos on invisible strings, as bullets catch us, carefully aimed, flying in the fray, and my tomorrow never comes, I won’t see another day.

Now suddenly I feel so stiff and oh, so very cold, as we’re all executed as our gruesome deaths unfold.  Out of nowhere he just came at us in a calmly raging rush, that crazed young gunman, weapon aimed, mowed us down and slaughtered us.

II  
In My Voice

I imagine they all had to know with their last gasping breaths 
this was their end, and in a flash the only victor, death.

Imagining young Meadow as she fell to shield a friend.  She tried to save a student as her life came to an end.  They say she did it valiantly while barely still alive, but sadly they were both plowed down and neither one survived.

Imagining a whisper from her young departed soul, my mind drifts through the unknown realms of lost-forever souls, the might-have-beens, their futures gone so brutally struck down - seventeen attacked and lived, seventeen would live no more.

Now all that we can do today is honor who they’d be 
if they had been allowed to live and die with dignity.
Let’s send them all a Valentine to warm their souls today,
and wish them peace at this remembrance of their final day.

                                                                                           — Lois Betterton
                                                                                                    2-14-2019

"Squiggle Duster" by Juliet Cook


…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

On Time and Exposure


Suck it up or breathe it in. Move on or stay put.

Our naturalists still have a line of goods to sell. They must, or there'd be fewer of them.

I never said that we'd been overrun.

As the song goes, "I fumbled with the buttons, then I threw my new tuxedo down the well."

The first time we hear it, we hold our breath until the next line's rhyme connects: something will have fallen, something will have been spoken or perceived, something will have rung, something will have gone to Hell.

Being naked outdoors is as much a dismissal of time's steady march as clothing is a product of factories and schedules.

Conversely, the hunter's elaborately layered system of pockets demonstrates progression with each dead squirrel.

Like a lens they open up to the illuminated world for a prescribed amount of time.

Eventually, daybreak gives way to nightfall. They huddle around the fire or seek out jeans and hoodies. 

They remember the water as vibrant, the day not as stagnant but as slowed to a vegetal pace.

                                                                                                          — Glen Armstrong
     

Photo by Chandra Alderman


…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

End of the Year Party

"if I'm not out before 5:00, I'll be so pissed,"
co-worker looking peripherally to make sure I heard
yes I know, I'm going to haul ass
so you can make it to the end-of-the-year party
will I be going? some ask
by the sight of my mounting responsibility
no, and the fact that I have to drive back to Saginaw, nada
my knees are sore, my bunions are throbbing
I've been slaving since 9:00 am
to appease the pecking vultures
I have dried sweat on my hair line
that feels chalky
and raccoon eyes from the excessive heat
melting my cover up
I want to go home and wash my face
and dust my eye glasses, eat
I've been receiving electric shock
all day so much I'm getting acquired to its jack-in-the-box
way of zapping me
"there will be prizes"
if you do not socialize and sip wine
with everyone's spouses present
you will forfeit your Christmas bonus essentially
which is probably just a t-shirt with the company logo
anyhow
                                    — Jennifer Behling


"Ri3M" by Keith Winkle


………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The heart is ready.
The mouth has shut.
The wisdom is bursting at the seams.
But, there is a fire inside 
That is blocking the way
And I don’t know what it means.
                            — Jill McKee

Photo by Chandra Alderman



************************CONTRIBUTOR BIOS***********************


Chandra Alderman’s work has been published by Nightballet Press, Crisis Chronicles Press, The City Poetry, and Thirteen Myna Birds. She haunts northeast Ohio in search of images and the perfect bowl of soup. See more of her work at https://www.facebook.com/peggy.honeydew


Glen Armstrong holds an MFA in English from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst and teaches writing at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan. He edits a poetry journal called Cruel Garters and has two chapbooks forthcoming: Simpler Times and Staring Down Miracles. His work has appeared in Otoliths, Conduit and Reality Beach.

Jennifer Behling: I am a recent graduate of Saginaw Valley State University. I studied English literature and art. My poetry has also been featured in the Haight-Ashbury Literary journal.

Lois Betterton grew up in Yonkers, New York and now resides in Sarasota’s Historic Rosemary District Florida. She began reading and writing poetry as a young child and has embraced the written word all her life.  She founded and hosts The Word Show at The Reserve SRQ in Sarasota that showcases local, free range, organic, Poets.  Publications include ‘Dr. Alfonz Lengyel, RPA China Connections, US-China Review Winter 2010 Edition,’ her poetry blog ‘New Words,’ and edited ‘GUANYIN The Art of Compassion – Guanyin And the Welfare of Sentient Beings:  Images from The Medieval Period of China’ by Dr. Chang Qing.

Matthew Borczon is a poet and navy sailor from Erie, PA. He publishes widely in the small press. He has published 6 books of poetry, the most recent The Smallest Coffins Are the Heaviest was released through Epic Rites Press this year. He is the father of 4 kids and he works way too many hours to survive. He also holds a degree in fine arts from Edinboro University of Pennsylvania.


The poems of Pris Campbell have appeared in numerous journals and anthologies, including PoetsArtists, Nixes Mate, Rusty Truck, Bicycle Review, Chiron Review, Pulse, and Outlaw Poetry Network. Nominated four times for a Pushcart, the Small Press has published nine collections of her poetry and Clemson University Press a collaboration with Scott Owens. My Southern Childhood, from Nixes Mate Press is her most recent book. A former Clinical Psychologist, sailor and bicyclist until sidelined by ME/CFS in 1990, she makes her home in the Greater West Palm Beach, Florida. 


Juliet Cook is a grotesque glitter witch medusa hybrid brimming with black, grey, silver, purple, and dark red explosions. She is drawn to poetry, abstract visual art, and other forms of expression. Her poetry has appeared in a peculiar multitude of literary publications. You can find out more at www.JulietCook.weebly.com


Barbara Moore is a New York poet and author of the slim poetry collection “Dancing on Broken Glass” (Nightwing Publications, 2014.) Her poems have appeared in numerous online and in-print poetry journals/anthologies. Barbara admires the ability to access the flip side of tragedy and believes it’s humor that keeps her afloat. An avid Bob Dylan fan, music is one of her greatest pleasures.


John Nelson Cleveland born, Sarasota-raised, professional guitarist and, for 30 years, a custom framer, John Nelson moved to Asheville, NC in 2007, trading hot days in the Florida sun and late nights with the band in smoky bars for cool, creative nights in his mountain home studio.

Besides earning him a living for his family, framing design gave John an outlet for his right-brain tendencies. But his fascination without textures, color relationships, the use of positive and negative space and the use of art as a catalyst for emotional response drove him to create his own art as well.

“ My paintings employ design to generate tension, and I use color for a release of that tension. I enjoy watching the art reveal itself layer after layer using newly discovered techniques while eliminating subject matter. Having no formal training , I can create in a manner that knows no bounds. “



Keith Winkle: Visionary? Yes. Artist. Hell no. But I love art and I try to create when I feel the pull. I was born in Ohio but raised on the offshoots of Jupiter. I graduated from Ms. Elkis’s art class, Riverview High School.