Hi Friends,
Welcome to the finale of the Akathisia Series. I hope you have learned a lot from my diligent research. I sure have.
Just a couple days ago, another celebrity suicide made the news. Stephen “Twitch” Boss, who was the DJ on the Ellen show, and other places, and also a talented dancer, took his own life. No one saw it coming. He seemed happy; he had everything anyone could want including a happy marriage & 3 small children. He was 40 yrs old.
I have no idea if Twitch was on any medication or if he had any history of depressive disorders, but of alllllll the celebrities out there, I would’ve pegged him as least likely to commit suicide. Hell, I would’ve guessed Ellen before him. So…I have questions. As the dust settles, I will look into whether or not Twitch was taking any medication & if his family noticed any changes in his behaviour.
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Friends, I want to talk about something I haven’t talked about in a long time — my old neighbor Bruce.
You all remember Bruce as the guy I lived next door to from 2005 — 2012. He frustrated us from the get-go with his early morning cacophonies. He would be up before the sun, ranting & raving in his yard before he could turn on all his power tools at 7. And believe me, he could hardly wait. Sometimes he cranked on that table saw or lawn mower at 6:59 a.m.
He caused me much anguish, because that was the house where I was to become a mystical, peaceful, happy, poet, writer, musician & artist. I was going to start my new life there! That home was supposed to be my sanctuary from people just like Bruce.
But Bruce was there, all day every day, a constant drone or buzz or drill or shriek of activity. Always moving, always shouting at his kids, always busy with tools. The very embodiment of hyper-active, anxious, industriousness that I just chalked up to his being German.
But what I’ve realized is — Bruce had akathisia! Why do I think/know this?
Well, I always wondered how the hell one man could have SO MUCH energy & angst. I always wondered at his pushy, aggressive antics toward everyone. How can one person be busy-body enough for a whole neighborhood?
The more I learned about akathisia, the more I understood Bruce. Now, Bruce’s akathisia expressed itself in a very unconventional way. Most people kind of isolate themselves when they feel as badly as akathisia makes a person feel. But Bruce shared his misery with everyone; he had to make sure he was seen & heard being busy & productive & industrious.
I also happen to know that Bruce was on Lorazepam (Xanax) because sometime in the Fall of 2009 —during the Karaoke Wars— I found a bottle of his medication by our conjoined mailboxes. Regrettably, instead of putting the bottle in his mailbox, I took it inside & threw it in the garbage!
At the time I really hated Bruce ( & I kind of still do; akathisia or not, he was atrocious to live next to). I felt like throwing away his pills was a great way to make him suffer. And boy, did he suffer! I’m pretty sure he started drinking again when his Xanax went missing. I don’t think many folks (even professionals) knew much about akathisia in 2009.
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| quintuplets on Ellen! |
We tried everything to get Bruce to respect our boundaries. We spoke kindly to him, we yelled at him, we called the city, and finally I launched the Karaoke Wars. But Bruce couldn’t stop being anxious & tormenting everyone around him.
I find it very ironic that the “medication” I started taking to deal with Bruce’s intrusion — my “green muffins” — were the thing that originally gave me akathisia.
So Yeah…I wanted to mention that tidbit of circular history. There really is a lesson in everything if you pay enough attention. I can look back & have some compassion for Bruce (& his wife & kids especially). It sucks that he was suffering. It sucks that his suffering made me suffer. It sucks that I suffered the same fate in the long run.
But at least I have some answers & closure re: that big fucking mystery!!
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| when i tried to draw w/ stripes instead of dots!! |
Here are some links to some very pertinent akathisia info. If you google ‘akathisia’ it’ll just tell you it’s a feeling of intense restlessness. But I can’t emphasize enough that it is much more than that. I hope these links give a clearer picture:
The story of Louis, who died in Sarasota the same year I was suffering from akathisia the first time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsptXjhAXYc&t=252s
The story of Jill Nickens, founder of Akathisia Alliance. Jill got akathisia from opioids (remember when I said alcohol & opioids were the only drugs that didn’t cause akathisia? I was wrong):
https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/02/jill-nickens-akathisia-alliance-education-research/
The story of Jordan Peterson (yes, I hate his philosophy, but man I feel horrible for the hell he went through):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLWgVpmo1e0
Info from Lauren, who has a youtube series called Living Well with Schizophrenia:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ1zjPZWnHQ
The Akathisia Alliance facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/akathisiaalliance/
The MISSD website:
And here is a poem I wrote about my original experience with akathisia (I think Terrorexia Nervosa is a much better name for it):
http://www.crowhollowbooks.com/murder-three.html
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