September VOGON Slushpile

So Friends,

I can’t tell if this is the most gibberishy batch of Vogons ever, or a modern day literary masterpiece, so let me know okay?

ALSO — I’m waiting on a couple more ART submissions, but by the end of next week The Very 6th Edition of The Octopus Review will be here! It feels like eons since the last one — I’ve been trapped in timewarp-sinkhole mode for a dangerous stretch.  S.O.S.

###################################

So,

If you’d known your parents

Before you were born

Would you still fill their baskets

W/ your deceptive sweetness?

Distilled from bug snot & blood

Dried on a motel wall,

Your mother loved you but you didn’t

Move her

Like a good rhumba

She loved the dance more than

the repetitive rocking chair

And held her tiny kinetic sculpture

At a droplet’s distance

Spilt father’s milk left you

In the big bad womb

While your sisters made a clean getaway 

Their misshapen shell popped open too soon

The fused peanut contained you

Naked  tuber undercover

And neither parent asked you to dance

One demanded it—the other forbade it

They’d cherish dominion

Over your footwork

If it were femme and not faggoty

One day you flee w/

the next-door family

(Ark of unwanted boys bred

   during the female empowerment boom)

They let go of your hands, still holding

Apron strings, or

   unsubstantial tutu fluff…  

The milkman lost interest in your skin

When it couldn’t win

The Foam Fights of Tomorrow

Lost interest in teaching you love

Except where you clot w/ a woman

0904:0300a

[Patriotratriottraitor]

**********

When I wore dresses to school

The teachers protected me

Not from words or

Nanoaggressions

But death

Sticks +/- stones

Nameless shamans

Stick figures & stone roses

Dick triggers & stomped faces

I wore my dress to a party

THE special afterschool party of the year

Where no teachers could (p)rot(e)c(t) me

Where nanoaggressions peaked in a 

Megatenderness trend

And where

My holy qabbalistic holistic mystic 

Bodyguards were busy

Being the heroes of their own lives

Not the critical constructors of mine

0909:0225a

**********

As the tortoise outcrawls the chiron

I’m allowed to enjoy my own brand of sexuality© again

Instead of languishing in the deprivation tank

Of binary test subjects…I pluck a chord on the

Rainbow

Fretboard

People assume a lot about scars

I feel like being misogynistic right now &

Harming my body w/ verbs

Fuck transitivity

You just enjoy feeling sorry for yourself!

You’re hopelessly woefully emo

You were molested by question marks?

You were interrogated for what you were wearing

(lace on your masculine side; latex for the lady)

Not welcome in Trump’s Peoria

nor Pence’s Indiana

0909:0250a

**********

There’s no good “where” to begin…

I could grab any toe of this centipede &

talk till I’m pale in the face

Now come the whales, obsolete leviathans

Lain like porn-infected motherboards on a 

Spore-covered shore

There’s the tech sector, the absolute elite

Who can see their own comets coming 

Rain not included — bows not tied to aeros

I’m not a tough guy ‘cuz my face got stomped

I’ma typical American’t

Afraid of my front-door neighbor

& the centipede’s jogging

The doorbell’s memory

0909:0250a

**********

CALENDAR SAVANT

I spend so much time “amming”

What can I do besides “am” ?

I can cook a tunafish sandwich

I can hide like a motherfucker

I can draw a rhino

I can handle being alone

I have things I thought I’d never have

Including memories of a head injury

I wasn’t supposed to know about…

But can I love?

Can I be away from the clock for 5 seconds?

Can I stop bullying God for His grandiose fuck-up?

Do I still resent Him for getting the job?

I mean, I thought I killed that interview…

0909:0275a

Break out the thesaurosaur

Not enough menz & ladyz reylyze the calendar repeyts

Every 5. 6 or 11 years

**********

Flags

Balls

Country (songs)

Three things that fail to stir my emotions

(minus the twang that makes me angry >: / )

I don’t appreciate your looks \O.O\

But hijacked your style

Your way of saying…  your way of STATING

My Way or the HighWay

(big friendly smile & neighborly hello)

All the words I’ve said that no one ever heard…

I don’t have the friend/neighbor hyperlink installed

I’m the wary receptor expecting reuptake of offers

You were born in the right body,

I in the wrong time zone (so who cares what country)

Dickistan/Cuntsylvania = those are the only deep & true states

On our maps [we’re crude sexual orientation GPSes

w/ buttons & toggles & analog tubes

(atomizing pheromones projectile lube)]

Greater than the vast pangeal/panthalassic binary

That swallows planes while spurting lava

All over world peace

You’ll forever have a smile

And explosive hello

As you invade my monogrammed militarized zone

0911:0500a

**********

So,

here’s where it all started 17 years ago

                        Psychological trauma

               large scale                   forever

         brilliant                                    has us

  A                                                           pinioned

                               beneath

                                   the

                           warm-a-sheen

                                  That

                                festering

                               heat   lamp

                                biosphere

                               we’ve come

                                     to

                               inhabit.

Baby chicks                                              pond

      goosestepping                      thick green

           through the                    to the

                               MEADOW

                                 

Is ours the only army w/ skyclad cheerleaders

                                 Tumbling

                          on the combat floor

                                      4

                           minimum wage?

I hope that enduring tradition won’t fall by the wayside

                      When we invade Space…

Whatever happened 17 years ago —

          and I have my loonytune conspiracies

       (which are not mere anime or internet memes) —

was the free design of 34th degree masons

         Master craftsmen of spiral cities, rotary theaters, connected eons of ions

If you watch closely

You can see the dynamite plumes

Licking each erection

You will not find the burning bush. The concentric vaginas

                                 Never hit

                           Find Flight #77

                   & journalist Barbara Olsen

“FAMILIES ARE GOOD PLACES TO HIDE SECRETS.

IT’S EASIER TO SEE WHAT’S BEING BUILT IN FRONT 

OF YOU THAN WHAT’S BEING BUILT AROUND YOU.”

[I asked Barbara Bush for an interview & she obliged.

This is what she said when I asked what she knew about 9/11]

Do those who had power on Earth have any power in the Dominion?

NO. IT’S A BIG AND CONGEALED GALACTIC SPOOGE

NOT A MAN OR A LIGHT OR EVEN A MAGNETIC FIELD

BUT A SEMI SOLID OCEAN

A PLASMATIC BODY

COMPLETE WITH WAVES

SURGES OF BODY-LESS SURFING

WITH NO CONTROL OVER CURRENTS

This is how it feels to be an emission of light?

WHEEEEEE!!!!

Resting? Hardly. In Peace? In ecstasy.

0911:0550a

**********

For a long time I thought my sadness was trying to tell me something…

And It Was!

I finally figured out what it was trying to tell me, then

I no longer needed my sadness.

But like a clingy b/gf it doesn’t want to uncling

There’s something to be sad about it points (impolitely) as it pulls you

On rollerskates through the dogpark

And if you refuse to look, it makes shit up

For the inside of your head to hear w/ its 

Unpluggable ear

Obviously, I can see all the sad stuff happening

Around me, but I know it’s not my sadness.

It is others’ sadness,

Which they must listen to as closely as I listened to mine.

I can’t fix their sadness for them, much as

I would like to…

(this is my Jewish New Year resolution ^^^^)

0911:daytime

**********

STUPID TIMING

I’m out of sync not only w/ the world

But w/ my own set of calibrated clocks

How’s your anger? Fine. Short sentences.

So why am I set to stupid

Unintelligent

Non-linear but also not

                 perfectly round

Unfocused

Uncrossed hairs of timing?

Always resurrecting when paid advertisements

Not reflective of the station or its sponsors

Ignite the tubefed brain

I’m on cartoonishly off Bugs Bunny-time

Loony

Dumbtime, clowntime

Upside? Down time.

Oh. Wait.

0915:0250a

**********

So yeah, the big hurricane anus blows

the diarrheal currents that drench

The counter clockwise paint-by-number

(oil-based)

Permanent(ly rolling) scenarios

Time-stamped w/ our dates of birth & death (& tax/savior return)

& rope to hang with

& money for DRUGZ®

Amen Lord Amen

(name)(word)(name)

Once upon a noun

A poem ended w/ a preposition

0915:0275a (<< a stupid time)

**********

So,

timing was everything but it’s stupid now

(like my cat 

who seems to have 

neural causeways

clogged by

overnipping)

His short term…

His whiskers to nowhere…

No pooh pulpit honey shrine

Just a meat pit, a bully playpen

Saltwater antiquarian

0915:0275a

************* SO…..

Looks like you’re going to be

Sad & stupid forever

Living long enough to watch your face rot will not fix it

Your parents, teachers nurses & priests lied

You cannot be whatever you want

Because

There’s not enough time…there’s no one in charge…

There is no cure…. your mediocrity is off the charts

…                                                                   SO

memorize this brand-new tepid-pressed

barely edited

Auto-botched edition of Humanitor Manual

                       for

         Dumbies & Saddies

0915:0275a

**********

I was advised by the mental health commission

That in order to get out of this rut

Of barely passable androgyny & the accompanying 

                                                    low self-esteem

I should start a Drag King Performance Art Group

right here (in Peoriasota)

We have Drag Queen bingo for the dudes

who like to glam,

but nothing for the ladies who like 

to swing their dicks around 

in an homage to toxic yet playful masculinity

It was odd advice (I’m sure I told her

I was afraid of people?)

How I avoid groups like the plague xectors of conformity

                                                                      they are?

It’s not because I’m better than anyone

Or conceited (though possibly narcissistic, which

                         is something else)

It’s just —

     If I were able

to GET OUT THERE

and DO THINGS & enlist

Others to do MY THINGS WITH ME

Would I be in the place I am today?

The margins?

0919:0500a

**********

So Yeah…

Another mh prof who doesn’t understand

Why I came to their door in the first place

But I will have my drag act here

In the Octopus Diary

We’re called the Gentoo Emperors & 

I’m the only member. We meet @ Our Tube

From one o’clock sharp 

To soft p.m. gentlemoon

(I’ll draw the storyboards & you will act upon them)

0919:0525a

**********

Singing::Telepathy as The Internet::Civil War

(an evolutionary tool, duh)

In the Fall of Y2K

I was suddenly struck by the urge—

the absolute need — to sing

I’d been a singer. I’d sung. I was a musician once 

In a mediocre garage

But I wanted to be more than medium for once

Long story short I ended

Up ruining not only my voice but my jaws & ribs & shoulders

[Also] I had no idea

the whole world was going to join me in this pursuit

Moments later, the Amerikan Singing Wars 

Began the whirring of the throats, the blade-waltz into

The collective conscience

In the 80s we had our dance crazes (mine, ballet)

And though we still move, yes, evolved in our

Choreography,

The oughts brought a voice craze

We recognized

The need to be octaves above — a triple threat

in a world stocked

W/ 7 billion larynxes 

& 14 billion feet*

*these are rough estimates, so don’t beat me up about the small

percentage of those w/out feet or voice boxes eaten by leprosy, just don’t do it

0919:0550a

**********

GOOD ZEBRATIONS

Woke up w/ morning wood & a foreign

Accent after realizing this whole movie

                                this whole pawn shop

         

                            this whole black whole

                              was a closed set

When the limelit voice yelled ACTION

I was to start the decomposition process

In earnest,

        who still claims he’s not a puppet w/

                            a gay agenda

We’ve heard the testimony

History called & wants its ring back

It wants dominion over its own carbons

Pure self-absorption

0926:0475a

**********

Absorption??

Sorry, I’m pro leak, expression

so Lively!

I love membranes, not seals.

Is this bumper sticker free?

Free as the time you just stole from me.

0926:0500a

**********

The singing craze of the 00s  Has us all

                Doing what we were 

     Programmed to do at this stage

Vocalize our way to telepathy — did I say this?

I know PKD hasn’t said it, yet, but most likely back in 1974

It came from his pen or uvula,

& I’ll be hearing about it

                     — second hand

                   — nth edition

Copyreich 

Crown Royal Cola

Missed my bus

Buying all that

Forbidden sugar w/ my

Lunch money

The 1st drug ever dealt

The deadly kane

The handsome crystalline sociopath

Now half-living next door

Who strangled a sorority of seahorses

Who spiked the blowhole’s punch bowl

0926:0500a

**********

You think all along

I didn’t know you were meme-ing me???

You think I haven’t been meme’d before??

I was meme’d before the internet, you

I survived a centipeepshow

To end all bleepshows

Once my innernet arrived

I rose from the styrofoam headstone

Good date, sir…….

…………………………..mad. Dumb.

0926:0550a