Obituary Of Consciousness

FRIENDS,

Will Donnie Trumpo die in an airplane crash a few days before the election? I don’t know. Only the Clintons know that.

But things could get interesting this Fall.

Your Octopus Diary has been getting lots of hits lately from Russia and China. I know Russia is looking for Hillary’s emails (I don’t have them), but what is China looking for??

I’m a bit paranoid about this. South Korea is also checking in occasionally. Hello my new friends & search engines to the east!

THE SERIOUS PART

Here is the serious part where I tell you a friend committed suicide recently.

We all think our friends are amazing, especially after they die. But when I say this girl/woman was amazing…extraordinary…magnificent…kooky…enigmatic…blunt…outspoken….

contrarian…humanitarian…

I couldn’t mean it more.

I hadn’t seen her since we were in our 20’s. But I thought of her often before Facebook, and then found her on Facebook. Still we didn’t interact much on FB –

I don’t think she admired me as much as I admired her—

But…strangely, when I was going through my Great Depression of 2014 I thought of her a lot, especially in those moments when I was barely holding on.

I knew she struggled w/ episodes of mania & depression. She struggled hard through those episodes & wrote beautifully about it in her ‘zine. (That’s what we had before Facebook Snapchat Tumblr Twitter)

And strangely, right when I was going through my horrible episode, she actually made contact with me on Facebook. We reminisced about our days as riot grrls in the 90s. (Riot grrls were people who did stuff besides type on the internet or hack the internet. They weren’t always girls, but mostly they were)

It really brightened my head for a few days to talk to her again.

And then she disappeared … as she was prone to doing.  I sunk back into the Great Depression. And I thought of suicide often. And Robin Williams committed suicide & I REALLY thought about it after that…

I understand the utter horror of feeling like ending your life is the only relief from your own demons…

So it really hurts me to know that my friend was suffering that badly & I had no idea & I couldn’t even find her online to reach out to her anymore…

I have to make a conscious effort not to think all day long about why she may have done it…how could she do it when she was so fucking great?

She spent time with Alzheimer’s patients. She enjoyed that. I would be scared shitless to spend time with Alzheimer’s patients. (You all know I prefer the company of dead people)

But that’s how amazing she was! And it hurts me that she didn’t know how much the world needed her.

She did not survive her final episode of depression, but I, a useless cynical anti-social mediocre piece of crap, did. How is this the way?

I am very grateful I survived, but I do have a little bit of survivor guilt going on.

Anyway, I could go on & on about how great my friend was…it may sound too cliché if I say anymore though…just know that this does not make sense to me.

All right, Friends. I hope you are all doing okay. Please know that I don’t subscribe to the “suffer in silence” motto. If anything is wrong, I am here. Send me a private message if you aren’t the type to openly express your tribulations.