Excuse Me, Where's The Restroom For Zoroastrians?

FRIENDS,

My neural pathways were forged in satire. You know this already. 

But the world is saturated in satire. It's dripping off the walls of the internet and invading our very senses. 

I learned the language of satire in order to introduce my own unpopular worldview to humans who may not understand it if I tried to say it too directly. But through the collective spewings of the internet we've all learned that everyone's worldview is popular, unpopular, acceptable, unacceptable, flakey, snowy and unicornical.

I also know that satire comes in varying degrees of effectiveness. Sarah Silverman and Stephen Colbert are great at delivering satire. There are the legions of  faceless meme generators who are okay at satire. Me? I have come to terms with my utter mediocrity, my extreme averageness. Unspecial unicornitude. My satire skills are filed under "who the fuck cares what this lame dumpling is trying to say."

And really, what am I ever trying to say but "There are too many people on this planet and we're all kind of stupid about it."

Coming to terms with one's own mediocrity is a tough proposition. It rearranges the feng shui of the once integrated self and there you are--strewn across your timeline like so much roadkill,

My ego has gone limp. It dangles between my temporal lobes like a mental ghost-penis. It no longer thrusts its way through time drooling on life's banquet. But something else has risen in its place. Something less hungry and more satisfied. Neutral. Peaceful.

And I want that to be what I project now--not my righteous anger at the way things are, but my confidence that things are changing into exactly what I envisioned.

Frankness, sincerity, authenticity are the communication devices of the day and I'm struggling to unlearn my own programming. Bear with me.

ART!!!!!!!

*******BATHROOMS and TRANS CIVIL RIGHTS

So…in my last blog I wrote a scathing & ineffectual satire on the current transgender battleground--public restrooms.

Now that people-of-transitioned-gender are known to exist among us--and in greater numbers than we ever dreamed--we have suddenly taken great interest in their bathroom habits.

Moonchild hates it when I'm reduced to talking about pee-pees & va-jayjays & chocolate starfishes, but I hope my readers understand it is the opponents of transgender rights who always make it about pee-pees and vjayjays. I mock them to highlight their immaturity at the risk of sounding immature myself.

It's still mostly religious opposition. I am blown away by the support I get from religious & non-religious people alike. But there is a certain segment of the Xtian faith that has always been slow to come around. These people have always angered & confused me and to them I would propose we divide our restrooms as following: XTIANS and ATHEISTS.

(Sorry, Muslims and Jews would have to find faith-neutral facilities, and there's no telling where those would be. And if you are of a faith I haven't even mentioned here, well…you're too marginal to have a restroom made just for you. You can shit where you lay.)

There you have it--more satire. Just what you didn't want. And for those who may be thinking--"Gee, transgender bathroom rights, sounds like a first world problem to me" The world looks to countries like Norway, Sweden, & even the U.S. for their human rights crusades. If the people of NCarolina can repeal the HB2 anti-LGBT laws, then maybe someday there will be girls' restrooms built at schools in Afghanistan and Uganda. (and someday after that, trans-friendly facilities EVERYWHERE!!! )

Remember these two?

But I'd like to ask what my friends really think--Does it gross you out to share the restroom with a trans person?

Most of this discussion revolves around transwomen in the ciswomen's bathroom. If men are allowed to "dress up as ladies" and go into that bathroom, then how many perverts are going to dress themselves as women just to have access to their prey? And if the transwoman is forced to use the men's room? Do we care what could happen to her then?

And what about trans guys? They are probably more at risk using the men's room than any cisgirl is sharing the restroom with a transgirl. And should trans guys be using the ladies room? 

Moonchild was always puzzled as to why I hated public restrooms so much. Often it was because a restroom door symbolically "outs" you every time you open it. People see you going in and out of the woman's restroom--you are a woman.

Should trans people have to "out" themselves to people who may have not pegged them as trans? Or to people who may not be cool with it?

I don't know. It may not be the most imperative issue on the planet, but it affects my life directly so I'm giving it some attention. I work from home, so I really can "leave my bladder at home." But most people don't have that option. They have to pee during working hours. If I know I'm going out, I monitor my fluid intake if possible. I just don't want to have to be forced to choose a restroom. This isn't possible for all trans people.

******************

All right. I'm gonna go. This is where I tell you what projects You will find in upcoming episodes of the Octopus Diary. For now I'm not promising anything but always be on the lookout for

1. stream of consciousnesses

2. Shelter Cat & Trust Fund Baby comix

3. To be better humans, we need better bodies to be human in. That is why I designed an upgraded species of humanoid. 

a) They don't need to eat (or poop!)

b) Though there are 2 sexes (we'll still call them male & female until I figure something out) they are not so very different from each other that they are opposites on a lengthy spectrum. They are more…COMPLEMENTARY.

c) Incubation and childbirth happen OUTSIDE the body.

I'm stoked about these upgrades. I wish I could live long enough to see the fruits of this evolution. But the most I can do is write a book of love poems to & from people with alien genitalia.

*********when I envisioned an androgynous future, I didn't so much picture 80 million gender identities as I did 2 genders that were not too different from each other. But I'll take it any way it has to happen. And if that's 7 billion ways…then I can wait.