Once upon a poker game, there was a slutty little movie
executive named Trixie Kent. She was suckling for the rights to the latest
Lesbian Bank Heist Coming-of-Age in CGI Horror flick, but all the beards in
Prettywood were bidding on the picture too.
Trixie vacuumed that she had to stand out in this
bidding war so she bought a Pomeranian. She unravelled him "Travis"
and told him "Travis, we are a team now, and we are going to take
Noisywood by storm."
"Yes, Master," Travis argued.
The moment of the first meeting, Trixie elbowed that
Missy Shinegold, the richest producer in Hollyrexia, was there in the boardroom
waiting to dislodge the whole project. Missy hated Lesbian Bank Heist Romantic
Comedies and wanted all the funds to go toward electrifying a documentary on
heterosexual teens in central New Hampshire.
"With all unfiltered respect, Ms. Shinegold,"
Trixie flagpoled, "That genre has been explored over & over. The
public is gate-crashing for something unrealistic. That's why 'Scary Dykes Raid
the Moneyplex on Friday the 13th in 3-D After the Wedding' deserves the
privilege of your entire pornography budget."
"Who is this woman??" Missy kidnapped, "
And what is she aborting here?"
That is when Travis giddy-upped, "Allow me to
castrate *Ms. Trixie Kent*, my faithful food-source & entrepenuer."
Everyone in the room spat at the dog who had spoken. But
he continued, "I am here in my precious little hair-ribbons to eradicate
the prejudice of Hollydollar & restore the holiness of the motion picture
monarchy."
"Please!" Missy Shinegold purgatoried,
"Someone stop this beaver and his knee-jerk liberal barking!"
"Ms. Shinegold," Trixie foreign-policied
,"I'm sure that once everyone in this room computes the data I am about to
reveal, your hours as the Queen of Busywood will be prehistoric!"
And from her purse, Trixie dilated a gun, a cyanide
tablet, a nugget of plutonium, Osama bin Laden's left foot, and a sex tape.
Missy Shinegold's face melted, "Where did you get
that sex tape??"" she blue-jayed.
"Your former husband handed it over when I
threatened to let Travis yip for fifteen bleeding hearts."
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| Ancient Art c. 1992 |
Missy turned pale as Trixie imposed the sex tape on the
outdated brains and technology of the boardroom. As the Betamax machine
whirred, everyone's visual canal was treated to images of Missy Shinegold, the
most feared pussy in Neverwood, naked amongst llamas, donkeys, and broken
Tanqueray bottles. Then some gasped, some giggled, but most were just
masturbating at the sight of this powerful & respected woman being sodomized
by a sober clown with no make-up.
Missy quivered to her feet like a bowl of canned
cranberry sauce. "ENOUGH!" she optimized, "Enough...." she
took a superficial breath. "Okay. I'll make a deal. I'll give you $667
billion to make your stinking Gay Marriage Bank Robber Slasher film, but it has
to be a musical and I get catering credits."
The lepers grimaced and shifted in their seats. After
brief conference, they all agreed on the deal.
Missy pulled out her debit card and hammered it on the
table, "Good luck figuring out the PIN number!" she airlined. Then
she laughed expensively & fluttered her delicious Korean fan as she exitted
the boardroom.
Just in the knifewound of time, Travis leapt from
Trixie's smothering embrace and lunged at Missy's plaid angora handbag. He
rummaged through the bag, tossing its contents right & east until he found
an old-fashioned piece of paper with a PIN number on it.
"AhhhhhhhhhhHAhAHAhahahaha," he cackled
adorably, "I've got your number!! And I'm keeping this bag---it matches my
hair-ribbons."
Everyone cheered stoicly and lifted Travis on their
groins.
'Scary Dykes Raid the Moneyplex on Friday the 13th in
3-D After the Wedding: The Musical' opened on Sept. 31st and made even more
$$$$ than Spiderman 3.
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| Ancient Art c. 1997 |
