GOTH TODD

FRIENDS!

Hi...I'm back to thrill your neural receptors with my latest video & share some exciting neutral news.

Forget Goth Claudia, (j/k love ya, Claudia)

Here's Goth Todd:

Goth Todd

The 7th Sense (In The 21st Century)

Funny Little Friends,

How are ya all? I am fine. I mean, I'm not really fine…but I know that's what you expect me to say. That's all you can handle, because YOU'RE not fine & you don't even want to deal w/ how unfine I am.

So now that we got that formality out of the way, let's talk…about The Senses. There are 7 of them:

1. Sight

2. Hearing

3. Taste

4. Smell

5. Touch

6. The Sixth Sense (clairvoyance, ya know)

7. Sense of Humor

As I age I've noticed I'm losing ground with Sight & Hearing. That's to be expected. But I also think that I'm losing my Sense of Humor!

This scares me, because along with music, art & literature, Humor has always been a cherished survival tool for me. One of the things that scared me about "adulting" was that it seemed like to be a proper adult you had to stop laughing. And I was against that.

I always wanted to see the silly, the ironic, the cartoonish side of life. And I think I still do…but it doesn't seem as funny anymore.

But I also wonder, is it ME or is it THE WORLD? Has the world gotten so ugly, are there just so many people fighting to be heard & treated fairly that irony & cartoonishness have gone by the wayside?

I write this on the post-cusp of Robin Williams' suicide anniversary (& the pre-cusp of Joan Rivers' negligent plastic surgery death). I write this as Bill Cosby stands accused of drugging & raping women throughout the 60s, 70, 80s. I write this one week after John Stewart's retirement from The Daily Show. I write this at a time when comedians are refusing to perform on college campuses because students are so easily offended, especially by social issues & the jokes that may arise around those issues.

This is disturbing to me. First of all freedom of speech is important to me, and I believe in using that great gift to keep social justice alive and well, and I believe comedy is a great vehicle for keeping social issues in the ear-canals & brain centers of the Universe.

I realize that comedians sometimes cross the line or cut to the very edge of serious issues to make their points. And that is okay--I can usually take it. I usually understand where the zings & zaps are coming from & that they are meant to make us sting, think & evolve.

It is rumored (I wouldn't know for sure)-- that the generation called 'Millennials' are so coddled & padded & blindered from the jagged edges of this world that anything reeking of satire is perceived as taunting, mocking, bullying…

…thus the reluctance of comedians to perform on campuses.

But I find I too have become over-sensitive to certain types of humor. There is much rancor between genders & races (particularly black & white) right now. So I am very sensitive to any humor that slams women (or men). And I have gotten a little bristly when I hear about how horrible white (or black) people are--even if presented in a comedic context. I kind of wish we were past such "obvious" joking-points.

But we aren't--there are still a lot of layers around gender & race to unpeel before we get to the real equality at the center of the onion.

One thing that does suck when social issues are too touchy to joke about is--we resort to the lowest forms of humor. NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT PUNS. I mean colon/bladder humor and of course, dick jokes.

I said it before, penis jokes are fine on occasion, fart jokes are definitely funny especially when well-timed. Penises & farts are pretty funny! Noises that come from your butt--hahahaha! Spongy, mushroomy flaps of flesh that harden up & look like Darth Vader made of liverwurst**? Hilarious.

OCCASIONALLY.

But…I really do get sick of old unattractive white guys (like John Oliver & Bill Maher & Ellen deGeneres) using their dicks as metaphor for all matters from corporate greed to invasions of privacy (& invasions of countries) to gun violence to dentists killing endangered lions in Africa… 

Ie, EVERYTHING. [Also, do you see what I did there? ^^^ I added Ellen to the list of dick-jokers because it's totally ridiculous on one level, yet makes sense on another level--Ellen does kinda look like an old white guy & she does make (non-political) dick-jokes on occasion]. I just learned that type of humor is called PARAPROSDOKIAN. And I like it.

[And I hope I have offended no lesbians born between 1987 & 2001].

So…what kind of humor DO I enjoy now???

When I'm not being slapped in the brain by bologna-dicks, or being fed boring stereotypes---"Black people be like this" "White people be like that" "Bitches be like…" "Dudes be like…" 

I always appreciate clever word-play and punnery (sorry I don't find that to be low-humor at all), 

I like good delivery better than raunchy content. Clean humor can be hilarious is if it is cleverly packaged (oh no--I said "package")

I love the twisted & the surreal--shit that's just outrageous & probably inspired by drug use : ))) Aqua Teen Hunger Force, TV Funhouse, Absolutely Fabulous, Uncle Grandpa….ADVENTURES IN REALITY!!!!!

I love animals-doing-human-things humor. My new favorite is BoJack Horseman, which features animals & humans co-existing as if they are all the same species. It is an animated satire on the very essence of Hollywood, the Bizness. It balances the crude & the intelligent with finesse. And …did I mention Animals Doing Human Stuff???

(And even though I do love Animals-as-People humor, I absolutely hate…HATE…that movie TED. Ughhh…that is a FAIL in my favorite genre. I would like to beat the stuffing out of that bear's head & then menstruate all over it.)

Oh! Speaking of menstruating --which I hardly ever do anymore-- Vagina Humor was fun for a moment (if only because it was a welcome relief from Penis Humor). But it really is difficult to make vaginas funny. They do all the hard work in this world & get little credit for it.

(Tee-hee…I said vaginas do all the "hard" work. That's ironic!!) But I do think vag's could be used in that metaphorical way that dicks are used by Oliver, Maher, et al…if any women hosted political satire shows on cable. Maybe someday…but, I'll admit I was getting pretty sick of vag humor too, before it went underground like a good little beaver.

OKAY. I'm tired & need to eat lunch. This has been a good discussion about humor & sensitivitiy & the Seven Senses. One of the things that made me laugh the longest this year was a line from Orange Is The New Black, when Pennsatucky was talking about her favorite ice cream flavor--Double Fudge Chocolate--and she said, "I don't get it. How can you take chocolate…and then fudge it…and then double it?"

ROTFLMAO.

?????????????? I don't know why. It was just too silly.

**************

I hope you noticed the artwork I've included in this post. I force myself to draw something--anything--each day, even if I don't feel like it. This is kind of an experiment to see if I could actually "be an artist for a living" with assignments & deadlines & such. As you can see, some days I can't quite get inspired : )))

Hermaphrodite Skeleton wearing eye-phones & saying Orange

** If it is a white dick. Black dicks just look like Darth Vader. (oh no…I just made a too-obvious race/gender joke…sigh…I'm so offended)

Magenta Is The New Ivory

Carefully Curated Friends,

The ocean is strong & outgoing

But it's deep & murky & mysterious too...

I look up to the ocean

As if it were the sky

And know someday I will 

Kick & splash its cloudiness away

And find hidden treasure

To make better

Lives on dry land

***BREAKING NEWS***

CNN is a FOX in the middle of the road

It says "worst case scenario"

When it means "nothing at all"

It says emergency

When it means false alarm

If I ever hear Anderson Cooper proclaim

In a journalistic tone

To be a "person of faith, but…"  --(dot, dot, dot implying

The right side of the bird is flapping

Maniacally & making circles around its

Destination)--

I'll lose my mind in front of the whole, impartial human race

***********************************

Friend Art #1  -- This friend used to astound me in high school w/ her pencil drawings. Here is one she copied on gel photo paper. It kinda gives the pencil a purplish hue. I really dig that!

It was finally time to become an 

Adult

(or just "adult" as a verb, as the hipsters say)

So I unpacked my heart &

Put all my unlived dreams away & the funny thing is--

They all fit in one suitcase

I've seen adults with dreams pushing

On their closet doors, screaming

From behind all the high school whatnot &

College what for

It may seem to some observers 

I got a heavy 45-year long-playing

Childhood rotation

But I assure you in childhood

I was a rotten old soul 

Dropping from a skeletal family tree

A filthy overachieving teen

Once I hit the dirt and got some traction

With my seeds

But barely survived my 20s

As every sunrise tried to take away from me

What fantasies irrigated my soul

Then around 33, I got to choose 

How many regressions per minute

I wanted to spin counterclockward

The big universal tiger roar

Told me to have a happy middle-age

And I did

I did

I did

I hid…and knew laughter & the creative spark &

Ice cream for breakfast & building forts w/ bourbon bottles &

The goosebumps of my own family's ghost stories

Friend Art #2 -- Here is one by a friend whose whacky imagination and sense of humor w/ shape & line I have admired for a long time

I'm not narcissistic

Because I'm in love w/ myself

I'm narcissistic 

Because I am alive & a science project &

A playground.

I've looked at you &

You are narcissists too

That is not a crime.

We can be narcissists, altruists. activists &

Contributors to the great 

Science experiment on the 

Playground…

Good day.

Friend Art #3 -- Here is a sketch done by my fabulous Moonface while we were doing our radio show. He is a very talented artist, designer & architect. 

[I hope you enjoy my friends' artwork as much as you've always adored mine. I like to see what our minds can do--we can all draw from the inside out…good, bad, impressions, expressions, realism, phantasm…don't judge…just 'NnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnjOy!!!!

I'll have plenty more art for ya this summer. And I will do something new in the goth garage---singing alone. Guitaring solo. Because really…I am not so great at doing them both in the same moment.

I'm happy. I'm scared. I'm panicking. I'm a person, still.]

Slow Leak Of Consciousness

FRIENDS:

How are you? I am good…busy…but not using busy as an excuse not to check in with you & let you know

I'm still alive

And narcissistic.

Life is zooming by like a tortoise on a bullet train. The days drag, the years accelerate

And accumulate and leave me feeling irrelevant,

Though somehow, by some magical technicality, also feeling like the most

Relevant person alive at 8:13 a.m. on July 22, 2015

How does this work???? Seriously…it must happen in the temporal lobe.

New version of the 8 alter egos

******

BREAKING OCTOPUS DIARY NEWS

Armadillos carry leprosy, I repeat, ARMADILLOS

Carry LEPROSY [??????]

That news does indeed break me.

Into little centipede chunks. Segments, I guess you'd call them.

"They" say, 'Never trust a person who doesn't like a dog.'

"I" say, 'Never trust a person whom your cat does not like.'

"I" am "they" and we are both right.

Now go out & get yourself a parrot. Or a drone. They don't need anyone's trust or approval.

Experimental nursery school art

************

BREAKING CENTIPEDE NEWS SEGMENT

How much hate can live in Donald Trump's head nest?

Since he stores all his eggs in towers across the country, 

I'm guessing LOTS OF HATE.

Last summer was a scary fire to walk through…Last year planes were falling from the sky…

This is the year of the shark-bite, the Republican-clusterfuck, the If-I-die-in-police-custody

Hashtag-hashbrown-skintag-price-to-pay-for-being-black-and-having-American-hyphenate-blood-and

Freedom-type-boundaries & limitations-far-from-the-sky-on-roads-less-traveled-now-that-they-are

So-treacherous

This is the year your car could be hacked instead of hijacked

This is beyond the future--it is a dystopian backlash caused by too many people existing @ once

Dot commune. Dot botched fantasy. Dot shoot!

[No filter]

Vivian Boy w/ Balanced Chakras. My phone works better than our scanner, dammit

*************

This summer I am in waiting mode. This is okay---waiting is better than breaking down.

Last summer was terrifying…but I forgot to mention how scary winter was too --- the 14/15 border

Patrolled by earthquake forces.

But now I wait.

I am the patient.

I is good at patiency. Most of times.

As long as times don't end & the clock keeps horsing around like a heartbeat…

I will race toward the borders of my new voice…I will look for new floors

To dance on…Search for a new garage to be goth in…Find new rooms to fill with

Presence…and never cut the ribbon of the past so drastically wrestled to the mat,

But not denied or forgotten…

The tears of salt water/jet fuel cleared a path for take-off!

Oh, and I have some art for you…..

The 8 again--our scanner scans cool & cooler tones only

[taking inspiration from a friend, I'm doing a drawing-a-day for July/Aug. The sad thing is--I don't feel very arty right now. I am so immersed in writing that the art part of my brain is numbed significantly. I guess it's best to keep it on life support by forcing creativity daily….the results aren't always pretty, but it's the effort that counts right now : )) 

And I've decided in my next blog I will share some art by my friends…'mmmmmkay]

See you soon, friends, in the Octopus's Garden Variety Centipeep Talent Show!

WHY I DON'T WANT A WOMAN PRESIDENT

BECAUSE WE'RE NOT READY FOR ONE.

Friendly-Americans,

Remember how ready most of us were for a half-black President? We were really stoked about it & not only because he promised hope & change, he WAS hope & change! He was young & eloquent & historical & confident & the fact that he was half-white didn't seem to make him any less black to us. In 2008, we were ready for him!!!!

I'm not sure why, or how, or exactly when it happened but we have entered an era of severe backlash. The racial divide is a deadly chasm filled with bodies and spent shell casings. I can't help but think this backlash is somehow tied to having a blackish President who stands as the figurehead of all American power.

There are more people than I realized in America who are not comfortable with this. I've seen it more with each passing year of Obama's office. I'm pretty depressed about how our Congress and our citizens have responded to having a blackish President, but I can't say I didn't see it on the horizon even in '08.

So racial tension is taut as a slingshot aimed at a beehive.

And there is also, in the last year, an increased rancor between genders. Even as gay and transgender rights have their day in the courts & minds of America, the perceptions & definitions of male & female have been reduced to their crass anatomical parts. 

Even as rainbow flags fly and transwomen grace magazine covers, I've seen so many old gender stereotypes reborn & promoted & celebrated in all realms of media. [And of course this means pro-male/anti-female.]

That's right. The Man is back. White is in. Girl Power is out. People-of-color are fucked (at least for now) Dicks are symbols of supremacy; vag's are once again objects of scorn.

I knew we would be back here one day, but I didn't expect it to be so ugly. There are more people in the world than ever before. And we are connected by the festering filaments of social media like a big syphilitic worm. (yum) So things happen faster…trends, ideas, jokes, memes bubble to the surface and lead the collective conversation, and the collective conversation becomes The Word and then it metastasizes quickly into the Next Big Thing. And on & on….

In my riotous drunk youth, I feel I did my part to create a progressive path for humanity in general ( and females in particular, because as a biological female, I was told lots of horrible things about myself and asked to behave in really self-debasing ways that were called "normal" in our society). 

I fought as a child against valuing prettiness over intelligence. I fought as a teenager against hundreds & thousands of "girls don't do this" or "girls aren't good artists" or "girls can't rock" or "you will probably fail this Chemistry class." It blew my mind that seemingly well-meaning people (teachers, parents, boyfriends) would discourage me from even trying to reach my full potential. So I fought.

In my 20s, when I realized that all the misogyny in the world was based in anatomical fear, I fought against that too. Against being an inorganic, disingenuous object who didn't burp, fart, speak, or masturbate. In the '90s, before vaginas were mentionable and every party I vaguely attended devolved into a chorus of dick jokes & pissing contests, I was the girl who would respond with anecdotes about my lady parts and I had no qualms about pissing anywhere (with or without foliage nearby).

[Oh, those were fun days & drunken nights…Guys who were accustomed to silencing ladies with their dick jokes looking at each other & asking 'Did she just say 'vagina'??? Sometimes it made them angry and more dickish, but a lot of times it made them shut up and move along. 

And honestly, I don't mind a good dick joke if it's just that. But most dick jokes aren't about penises--they are about keeping women subordinate. Period.]

Period. I mentioned that a lot too. There was too much silencing & shame & taboo around it. A lot of people were not happy about me bringing menstruation out of the closet. Too bad. It needed to be a much less shameful subject. And there came a point when it wasn't such a big deal. [Now it is again. And we need to Get. The Fuck. Over it. Period.]

Anyway…around the time I was fighting my good fight against anatomical misogyny there emerged a slew of female comics who were doing the same. They were much more adept than I at bringing female anatomy out of the repressive cave and letting the world know that being a vagina-ed human was not erroneous, shameful or restrictive. It was just an alternative to being male. And that was just fucking great. [Y2K would've been a great time for a female President!]

Somewhere between Riot Grrl & the Vagina Monologues I felt that we had all come to terms with there being separate but equal genders which could complement each other or exist independently. End of issue. 

Or was it?  I am beyond thrilled that gender has moved away from the binary in our collective conversation, but I noticed that the feminist movement that made it all possible has disappeared.

While there is a spectrum of genders visible all around us, FEMALE has devolved again to mean something inorganic, objectifiable and looks-based. Girl Power has been replaced by Overbearing Materialistic Diva.

That is not something I would ever want to align myself with. But it is the new Femme.

Just as I am disgusted by the racial divide magnified by having a blackish man in power, I am jaggedly, adamantly against women who take their hard-won power to mean entitlement to be a Diva. That is not what I was fighting for. 

The Riot Grrl in me is old & tired. I am ready to embark on the latter part of my life and it will be quite a journey. I really want it to be a lot more about BEING than FIGHTING. But I want to know that someone somewhere has picked up where I left off, because we aren't done yet.

I think more people are perceiving themselves as genderqueer or trans or agender because the binary scales are still swaying. Women gained much foothold in the world between 1990 -- 2010, but many proved they would abuse their power in insidious ways. Different ways than men abuse power, but still dangerous & contemptible ways. We need that balance to quit its vertiginous lurch.

So, that is why I don't want a woman President right now. It would be a disaster. Even if---especially if---there were any good, sincere, capable female candidates to choose from, I think they'd all be quite ineffectual at this moment in time. 

We are not ready. PERIOD.

So…what I really want to say is 'Go Trump!' You are just the Donkeynine Sub-chimpanzeerific candidate America is hard for right now!

**********

I've started on a 60-day art project, but it's unraveling slowly. When something shareworthy arises, well…I'll share it!

In the meantime, enjoy all this vintage art I scrounged up for you ^^^^

GOTH GARAGE: EEYORE INTERVIEW

Here is a video from the Goth Garage. Please pardon the sound quality (it sounded great live, but recording sucks!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EX512KJeBy8&feature=em-upload_owner

RACHEL'S DYSPHORIA

Friends,

I've been wanting to address this issue for a few weeks now, but I've been a busy mess lately.  

A couple weeks ago the world was introduced to a lady named Rachel Dolezal who we all know now was born white though she worked her way up to being President of the NAACP by not only being an activist & advocate, but by lying about being white. She basically "passed" as black by adopting a black-ish appearance and telling a black backstory.

In the weeks following this story there were many fascinating analyses made about what harm was done by this woman. I mean, she was doing good work, right? And what's the difference between one changing one's gender and changing one's race? Can't someone be "transracial" if another can be transgender?

After listening to all the news stories and reading dozens of articles (both pro and con the "transracial argument") I was surprised that no one ever arrived at this point:

"Transracial" does not mean the same as transgender. Transracial refers to adoptive families of blended race. So the word just doesn't fit.

Also race isn't as hormonal or fundamental as gender. There is not hormone therapy for making skin lighter or darker. Or for achieving any of the characteristics of a race not your own.

But I don't think the fact that there are no known medical procedures for "race-transplants" just yet means that a person can't feel as "alien" in their biological race as they can in their biological gender. For as many times as I saw the word "transracial" bandied & buried, I never once saw anyone get to the real issue--RACIAL DYSPHORIA.

While "transracial" is not a THING, I do believe racial dysphoria IS.

I have known quite a few white people who love and admire & even appropriate many elements of black culture. They love "black" music, food, speech or all around community.

But their appreciation does not equate with a wretched desire to scrape off their whiteness and actually BECOME black. 

HOWEVER….I have known a tiny percentage of white people who WOULD do anything (surgical, genetic, hormonal) to become black if that were an option. I think Rachel Dolezal would fit this profile.

And vice versa, I have known black people who love and admire white culture a whole lot but wouldn't "have the surgery" if it were available. And yet there are a few who would. I think Michael Jackson does fit this profile (despite what some African-American journalists said about MJ always claiming to be a proud black man. Actions speak louder than words!) I believe Michael had an extreme case of racial dysphoria that caused him to take the drastic measures that made him look like a freak to us.

I would say that racial dysphoria is not as pervasive as gender dysphoria. And it doesn't only pertain to black and white. When I was little I not only knew I was a boy in a girl's body, but I also felt like I should be Chinese. My bout of racial dysphoria did not persist past age 8, while the gender dysphoria never left.

And let's just say there WERE options for getting a "race change"--how many people would choose to do this? I'll bet more would do it than we think right now. And I'd say a race change would have to be done on a genetic level rather than a hormonal level, but I see it being a possibility in the future.

SO…back to Rachel. What harm or good has she done by "pretending" to be black? 

First of all I don't think it's right to simply say she was pretending. I think there were much deeper issues in play. She was the only white child in a transracial family. Enough said.

Secondly, I don't think this is a matter of race--it's a matter of truth or fiction. She lied. She lied big! I have known some people who are pathological liars. They move through this world in a very unique way & seem to have a low-frequency magnetic power to them. They are emotionally detached enough from everything & everyone that lying is a do-able thing for them.

I have tried my luck at lying a few times in my life and know it is not the thing for me. In fact, I've become almost the opposite of a liar: a truth teller to a fault!

Rachel was not only able to make up these grandiose tales, but to believe them. To move about the world in such a way that her lies transformed into truths right before her eyes. I've witnessed that when lying works for someone, it becomes an addiction. I think Rachel was HOOKED. A junkie.

And that's the real harm I find in this story. She did a lot of good stuff, but she did it under a bad umbrella. A shady pretense. Do I think she was lying to intentionally hurt others or even to gain power? No. I think she was lying because something about her own (white Montana privilege) truth made her feel worthless, hopeless, depressed, etc…

I believe no matter what you do, even if you are a politician, you should do it honestly. If you feel so badly about your own true story that you're compelled to make shit up…then you better work on fixing that before you try to help others.

Well, that is my 2 sense about Rachel, racial dysphoria, and the future of genetics in regard to "race changes."

I swear on Gideon's and King James' bibles as well as the Old Testament, the Torah & the Quran that I will have art & music to share with you this summer. 

I'm keeping busy, but still very much prone to those disconcerting nerve-quakes. AAAaaaaaaaaaGggggggHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!