OTIS BLUE

"Abel Danger, Abel Danger...wherefore art thou Abel Danger?"

"Why, I am everywhere, my little clown. I lurk in every corner of the world, hating America & plotting against it. I lurk in every neighborhood w/ my automatic hard-on pointed at every fag, woman & child.  I lurk in your very own nervous system, causing you so much worry & road rage you can't even sleep at night. How can you not realize that I am with you, always?"

"Thank you, thank you, for answering my prayer...for always being there. Now bless this robbery, please...for I need tons of cash to save my life. Tons."

"Go forth, my child & do this robbery. I will hold your life close to my heart. So close we will breathe the same blood & bleed the same air."

I could not thank him enough, and when the time was right...3 loud knocks appeared at my door. I knew it was time for courage & blindness.

I opened my door, all dressed in white, just begging for violence. It was them, all right. Mr. Theory & Lucky #Tiger.

"Are you her?" asked Mr. Theory.

"Yes. I am Pentapussy," said I.

"Purrfect," said Lucky #Tiger.

"Let's roll !" we all said together.

 

Ancient Art c. 1997

We didn't speak on the way to the job. I'm not sure if we even blinked. Our lives were in each others' hands & we just couldn't look.

When we got to the 88th Billion Bank of Greed, it was my job to look innocent...and rich. I'm really good @ that, even though I'm poor & impure.

"May I speak to someone in the loans dept.?" I asked the teller.

"Certainly, ma'am. Mr. Pinkish-orangish-grey can help you right over there..."

As soon as I sat down at Mr. Pinkish-orangish-grey's desk, in they walked one-by-one—Mr. Theory & Lucky #Tiger. Instantly, Mr. Pinkish-orangish-grey froze. He knew these guys & he was scared shitless.

And so was I ! Because I knew it was time to put on a show. Stagefright, like a giant stagecoach, was running me over with its great wooden wheels.

"Act like a hostage...just act innocent...and rich...and hysterical," I told myself as Lucky #Tiger grabbed my neck.

I screamed & babbled as Mr. Theory, with such sleight of hand, reached over with his fist, knocking Mr. P-O-G's teeth all the way down his throat, then slitting that throat & letting the teeth tumble to the floor.

"Please!" I shrieked, "Someone call a dentist!!"

"Shut up, bitch, or I'll shoot your tits off," said #Tiger.

Everyone in the Bank of Greed fell to the floor, panicking in their own personal way. Mr. Theory took Mr. P-O-G & his death rattle to the big vault.

"Get it for me. All of it. All 6.5 billion. Now!!"

Mr. Pinkish-orangish-grey gathered the money as quickly as he could before he died. But 6.5 bil is A LOT, and it took about 3.7 hours and 6300 garbage bags to collect it all & time was the only currency. i kept up the histrionics & innocence until the job was done.

With all the loot bagged up, Mr. P-O-G dead on the floor, and everyone else too scared to even shit themselves, #Tiger let me go & we began to carry the bags outside.

Otis Blue was there, waiting for us. When all 6300 bags were loaded 7 we piled in, Otis Blue took off down the main drag like a fuming turd.

Well, unfortunately, because the robbery was so time consuming, the fuzz were on this turd in no time. We made a few rights & made a left on Gerard Way.  We were going at least 8.6 mph above the speed limit, but the fuzz were on our trail ! They started firing shots—once! twice! Thrice! Quadrice, quintice, sextice...!

Otis Blue was hit! Holes ripping up his back & sides! But it was okay, because Otis Blue was the getaway car.

Mr. Theory was ducking & dodging each bullet like a rodeo clown, as were #Tiger & I. In a cloud of carbon monosulfurglycerin, we ditched the cops, but the damage was bad....

Otis sputtered to a vehicular homicide at the side of a ditch. Mr. Theory lost his mind & ran into the woods howling like a hyena. Lucky #Tiger tried to stay calm, but some of the bank bags were rigged w/ ink bombs. They went off, coating him in guilt!

I quickly grabbed one bag. Enough money to live the rest of my life danger-free. Plus a little extra for a shopping spree @ Pottery Slum. 

And I loved communally ever after...

 

Ancient Art c. 1992

*2007 (it's fun to find old, drunk notebooks. Luckily for you, I quit drinking before Facebbok-bok)